Recent Posts
It’s easy to think that America has only improved since the Victorian age. After all, women are no longer just mothers and wives being told to not “lift your skirt too high above the ankles” (I mean, really?) Now, they can be powerful business women, wear androgynous fashions instead of petticoats and promote the legalization of prostitution. When it comes to etiquette, however, the Victoria era has a few gems that deserve some throwback recognition.
What behavioral rules should a modern woman steal from her grandmother? Here are ENTITY’s top seven old-fashioned etiquette rules that deserve to be brought back!
We’ve all been there. Someone brought the best apple pie in the world to the potluck, but at the end of the night, there is always that one slice left behind. Everyone in the room is trying not to be that person, but this excessive bout of politeness means a delicious slice is left spoiling on the plate.
According to Dr. Jefferis, author of 1904 etiquette manual “Searchlights on Health,” taking that last bit of pie is the best thing to do in this situation! It tells whoever brought the dish that it turned it finger-lickin’ delicious and leaving an empty platter makes cleaning up so much easier. You don’t need Google to know that this advice results in a win/win!
When it comes to small talk, are you often loss for words? Then you need to keep reading Dr. Jefferis’ etiquette manual – at least until you get to his “conversation” section. Apparently, asking about the other person’s family life or work is rude. Even thinking about mentioning the weather is inconceivable. Instead, go the creative route and kick start your conversation with an engaging and objective fact worthy of Jeopardy’s Grand Finale.
So the next time you’re meeting your Tinder date, greet him or her with, “Hi, I’m (your name) and depending on the type and habitat of a snail, it can breathe using either lungs or gills!” Not only will these facts provide entertainment, but they can also trigger personal growth by constantly teaching people something new.
A great way to deal with the problem of making small talk, is to turn it into an actual conversation. #etiquette
— Maura Graber (@MauraGraber) May 26, 2016
Some ppl do need etiquette lessons on how to have small talk conversation without being overly intrusive…
— Sam Ross (@samrossllc) August 9, 2016
I hate phone etiquette with a burning passion plwSe don’t call me for small talk get to the point and ask me already.
— velvelawulf (@Velvelawulf) September 23, 2016
Apparently, etiquette manuals from the 19th century were a lot more feminist than you might have initially suspected. Mrs. Duffey, an expert on manners and author of the 1877 “The Ladies’ and Gentlemen’s Etiquette” has plenty to say about “dumbed-down” conversation. Mainly? (Men), don’t do it and (women,) don’t let them do it!
As Mrs. Duffey explains: “When you ‘come down’ to commonplace or small talk with an intelligent lady, one of two things is the consequence: She either recognizes the condescension and despises you, or else she accepts it as the highest intellectual effort of which you are capable, and rates you accordingly.” I’m sure 19th century male readers needed some major ice to deal with those burns…
When applying Mrs. Duffey’s lessons to today, don’t accept any “mansplaining.” If a man can’t talk the talk, you should just walk the way – away!
No, I don’t know where my other shoe went. (It’s actually at a friend’s house, buried beneath last night’s party entrails.) Yes, that smell wafting through the bus is coming from me. And yes, I can tell that you are periodically turning around in your seat to stare at my attempts to put my life back together after the weekend. Just … give me a minute.
Does this scenario sound familiar? Then you may want to refer to Vogue’s 1948 Book of Etiquette, which states: “Those who are crippled, or in tears, or very shabbily dressed, or otherwise marked by misfortune, should at least be granted the dignity of privacy.”
@BoyGeorge ridiculous! some folk have NO respect for other folks privacy. Can’t stand blatant rude folk with no etiquette r class! SHAMEFUL!
— Mrs Ma (@MrsM5478) December 7, 2016
Of course, it seems like advice writers were a little…more blunt in their advice in the old days. But the lesson is still the same: the next time you see someone needing a little TLC, just look away!
Back in the old days, the Victorians knew how to treat elders right. In fact, Vogue’s 1948 etiquette manual instructs: ““Deference toward older women is a point of good behavior… Women rise when an older woman enters the room, unless there are more than ten or twelve people present.”
While you probably don’t have to jump out of your chair every time your grandmother visits, you shouldn’t follow the American trend of ignoring anyone over the age of 60. Nowadays, grandchildren are often too interested in their friend groups and Netflix accounts to realize that their grandmothers are the original “bad ass women.”
i love getting advice from elderly people or just people above my age in general, the accuracy of just how much they know is awesome.
— anahi (@anaxxhi) June 24, 2015
Not only are the elderly wells of information, advice and stories, but their wisdom can also help you through tough moments in life.
Not only does this look bad on your character, but what good will lying to win go fish do for you in the long run? Sure, it’s instantly gratifying to be the (cheating) winner, but imagine what would happen if your friends found out. Or even worse, imagine how much fun everyone would not have if they knew you were cheating as you all were playing the game. All in all, just don’t do it. Instead, play the game the fair way. After all, you’re playing for entertainment, not global supremacy.
What should you do if you notice someone else is bending the rules? The Old Farmer’s Almanac suggests “quietly and very politely call it to [the cheater’s] attention, and be[ing] careful that you do not get excited.” Even if you hate cheaters, don’t let a huge argument spoil the entire game.
While the whole “chaperone and courting” isn’t exactly calling our name, dating does need a reminder of its romantic roots. How many times has a guy picked you up for a date just by honking from his car? What about by sending a text? Both of these are a big N-O by traditional dating rules.
Instead, the man should walk to their date’s door (a bouquet of flowers doesn’t hurt either), meet her parents and open the car door for her as they prepare to leave. Other rules that deserve a throwback include: actually paying attention to your date (AKA, no phones at the dinner table) and calling it a date in the first place instead of asking to just “hang out” with just the two of you.
A photo posted by Be Fly, Be Classy, Be Debener (@thedebener) on
Sure, maybe the girl will help pay for dinner, but that doesn’t mean we have to totally abandon all aspects of traditional romance.
Have you ever told a struggling friend, “Let me know if there’s anything you need,” – and done nothing else? If so, you definitely need to take a cue from your Lizzie Post, co-host of the Awesome Etiquette Podcast.
Because people will likely never ask for help, simply do small actions you know would make a difference. For instance, drop by a few containers of homemade soup if they’re sick or leave some flowers by the doorstep of a friend who just lost a loved one. On a similar vein, actually write letters and thank you notes. As Post explains, “A handwritten note shows a level of personal contact that’s significant in the digital age.”
After all, you can only show so much gratitude by texting, “Thanks! XOXO” with a bunch of emojis.
#Etiquette Always act like a lady or gentleman. It’s not old fashioned; it’s smart business and leads to a successful life and career.
— Salam Saad (@Etiquette_Salam) May 23, 2016
Etiquette isn’t old-fashioned! Its sexy! 😉
— Showoff Swagga® (@ShowoffSwagga) November 4, 2016
So the next time you’re at a house party, searching for your soulmate at your favorite bar or just spending time with friends, make sure to take the leftovers home, talk about something interesting (or witty) and play fair. You’ll find that being kind and well-mannered will always be in style.
