window.dataLayer = window.dataLayer || []; function gtag(){dataLayer.push(arguments);} gtag('js', new Date()); gtag('config', 'G-GEQWY429QJ');

 

ENTITY explores if an age is ever inappropriate in relationships.

Your nervous system goes haywire when the cutie across the hall looks your way and you become even more intrigued when you find out the age difference. You smile, subtly bite your lip, fiddle with your hair – anything to distract you from the eyes glancing in your direction. You’re looking for someone older and more mature, right? Or perhaps you’re waiting to find the right person to keep your energy youthful and your life adventurous. You don’t have time to play games; you simply want a good partner to spend your nights with. Why should the age matter?

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with an age gap, you’ve either used the phrase, “Age is just a number” to defend your relationship, or you have done the “half your age plus seven rule” to justify it. According to Psychology Today, the “socially acceptable minimum age of anyone you want to date” can be found if you divide your own age by two and then add seven. So if you are 28 years old, you can be with anyone who is at least 21 years old.

What many people may not be aware of, however, is the rule that defines a maximum age boundary. Following this rule, you are to take your age, subtract seven and then double that number. So a 28-year-old’s “upper age limit” would be 42.

But the real question is: Can a mathematical equation really determine who you should date?

There are a number of things to consider when dating another person; one of them is personal preference. According to New Republic, the rule of seven may not actually describe what people consider socially acceptable. New Republic cites a 2001 study conducted by Dutch social psychologists, in which the researchers approached men and women of varying ages and asked them about what they thought the “appropriate” ages for the “five different levels of relationship: marriage, serious relationship, falling in love, casual sex and sexual fantasies.”

According to the study, women tend to prefer men who were around their own age, “with a range from a few years younger to a few years older.” Men, on the other hand, are drawn to younger ages the older they get. Researchers found that “men of 40, 50, 60 all seemed to show an interest in partners for sexual fantasies and casual affairs that extended down into the mid to late 20s.”

As the study shows, the expectations in a relationship determine the “appropriate” age gap. What does your partner want from you? If you’re 20 years old and not looking for a serious commitment, do you and your 35-year-old partner have a “no strings attached” agreement? Or will the age gap pressure you to start a family or to make sacrifices you don’t want to make? As Fox News Magazine writes, “There’s also the issue of aging. What’s going to happen in 15 or 20 years? The bigger the age gap, the more you need to consider what natural aging brings. You may be at the height of your career, while your partner is nearing retirement.”

Although age can be “just a number” for some individuals, there are also generational, maturity and experience gaps to consider. Committing to a person from a different generation than you can highlight disagreeing political views, conflicting religious values and problematic levels of maturity. As Elite Daily writes, “Maturity is something that develops after experiences we face in life.” A 35-year-old individual will likely be wiser, more experienced and more serious about relationships. A 20-year-old, on the other hand, may still be trying to figure things out.

Not only that, but having an age gap also means that you and your partner will have to be equipped to handle the social judgment that comes with it. People will always have something to say about your relationship, but Good Therapy advises you to “know how to handle criticism,” especially the criticism linked to your gender.

A woman dating an older man is often teased with degrading nicknames while a man dating an older woman is praised. Similarly, a woman dating a younger man is referred to as a “cougar,” while a man dating a younger woman is celebrated and deemed more acceptable. In response to this, The New York Times writes, “The term cougar raises hackles among women who say the image of a wild animal, however sleek and beautiful, prowling for victims … is demeaning.”

When you date someone with a significant age gap, someone will always have something to say about it. But in the end, there is no set rule to determine when you should start thinking your age gap is inappropriate – except for the fact that, as Good Therapy writes, “getting involved with someone under the age of 18 can lead to serious legal trouble.”

For the most part, age truly is “just a number.” What is more important, however, are the other factors you need to consider. Although age is a good indicator of things like generational differences, cultural values, individual maturity and personal expectations, no relationship is ever the same and only you and your partner can decide if you are right for one another.

Send this to a friend