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Entity advises on the benefits of arguing in a relationship.

Don’t get as comfortable as Punch and Judy; arguing may be good for any relationship, but it depends on how you two are sorting out your differences. If you’re yelling, calling each other names or belittling each other in any way, then you’re doing it wrong. In every relationship, you’re going to argue and you’re going to disagree. But instead of trying to avoid arguing, you should face it head-on. Here’s why.

1 Arguing actually helps you communicate.

When you argue with your significant other, you have to keep in mind a few things. First of all, he or she is not the enemy and this is not a competition – you can’t “win” an argument. Second, you’re trying to solve your problems, not make the other person feel bad. Third, you’re probably misunderstanding each other. According to Huffington Post, the top reason for a couple break up is poor communication; arguing is the byproduct of miscommunication. Keeping this in mind is the first step to using arguments to your advantage.

2 Learning how to argue can help you get to the root of the problem.

How often do you and your partner fight? More importantly, what are you fighting about? Almost always, there is a root cause of an argument. Use this as an opportunity to learn about what aggravates your partner and what causes your arguments in the first place. Now that you know what’s causing the argument, you can aim to fix it. Mend the argument with the right tools – check out 10 things not to do during an argument from Bustle.

3 See why that argument went left so quickly.

Know that if your partner gets disproportionately upset about something, it may not have anything to do with you and everything to do with something from his or her past. Men and women, in general, often avoid bringing up their suppressed feelings and aversions. Being in a relationship, however, means you should be able to not only openly share them but you can expect your partner to be sensitive to them.

4 Arguing should prompt you to ask questions.

When you and your partner come to a disagreement about something, it should prompt you to ask “Why?” Recognize when your partner is getting disproportionately upset and question him or her. Do so in a nonthreatening way and make sure you let your partner know you’re asking because you’re having a hard time understanding the issue. Replay the situation from your perspective and ask him or her to correct you if you said something wrong. When you both have the opportunity to explain your sides of the story, it will give you the chance to understand the other person’s perspective and what went wrong. This way you both are on the same page.

5 You both have just learned something about the other person.

Once you understand the root of the problem as well as the other person’s perspective, you have the chance to apologize. Saying “I’m sorry” is essential to a successful relationship. Remember, apologizing doesn’t necessarily mean that you did something wrong; it just means you are acknowledging you said or did something that hurt your partner’s feelings. After all, the point of arguing isn’t to win the disagreement – it’s to fix the underlying problem.

6 Congrats! You got to the good part: learning and growing.

Once you are forced to face the problem head-on, you can acknowledge that you have successfully grown as an individual and as a couple. After navigating through several arguments with respect and empathy, you realize that you have created a space for you and your partner to be able to openly and honestly communicate with each other. In the end, that creates a healthier relationship, according to research from the University of California.  

So don’t be afraid of arguing ; it’s an opportunity to grow up, grow closer and grow more in love.

Edited by Sara Butler
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