Relationships August 10, 2017
Celebrity matchmaker and dating expert, Alessandra Conti, weighs in on the topic.
Dating in Los Angeles is the absolute worst.
Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit, but it can be extremely difficult. Which is why we invited a professional matchmaker (!!) Alessandra Conti to give us some tips on how to pick up a guy in L.A.
First, a bit of background on Alessandra. She is a celebrity matchmaker and dating expert with clients from coast to coast. Alessandra is well-versed in dating and relationships, body language and lie detection. Additionally, Conti has authored many articles about love and relationships. Needless to say, this girl knows her stuff.
When it comes to heterosexual relationships, Conti had a few pieces of advice for the women of ENTITY on dating in Los Angeles.
Put down your devices and look up at the sea of men around you. Once you peel your eyes away from your screen you’ll realize that there are attractive men all around you!
Conti suggests that women put down the technology while waiting in lines, on street corners and walking around in general. This practice will not only prevent you from looking like a potential target to predators, it’ll make you more aware of your [male] surroundings.
Picture this: you walk into Starbucks to order your non-fat, skinny, non-dairy beverage of choice (ya know, the typical Cali girl order). And there he is. You spot him immediately because you are not scrolling through your Instagram feed. Now that you’ve noticed him, what do you do?
Conti suggests you take a tip from “Clueless” and indirectly ask a question about an item on the menu. But why? You already have your go-to basic beverage…
Think about it. He’s a guy. Even if he has never tried that beverage, he will at least act like he knows something about it, or suggest you try something else. By asking him the simple “Hey, do you know what’s in that?” you are acknowledging him, making him feel needed and slightly boosting his ego. You’re basically scoring a making the first move home run!
Well, you can’t just stare at his beautiful face. The follow-up is just as important in this scenario as it is in the interview process. After your back and forth banter about matcha fraps ends, Conti suggests you ask him a follow-up question such as “Are you from around here?” ARE YOU FROM AROUND HERE. I mean, it’s that easy. Even if he’s decked out in attire that screams “I am from Kansas,” ask the simple follow-up.
This strategy even works in the elevator. If you hear a guy talking in the elevator, simply exclaim “You have an accent!” Seriously, even if he sounds as robotic as Siri, say it. Then follow-up with “Where are you from?”
Conclude the exchange by saying “You’re so sweet, but I have to run! Here, take my number.” Now you grab that phone and let him get those digits, honey.
Men can be really lazy in relationships, and they get away with it because we allow it! Let him pursue you. If he never texts you again, it’s probably because he has a girlfriend… or a boyfriend. Or he’s just a passive “bare minimum bro,” and you don’t need that anyway.
If he does reach out to ask you on a date, do your research on him before you say yes. Glance at his social media. Is he more focused on partying or is he career-driven? Conti suggests you pay close attention to his career. Let’s be real, you don’t want to date someone with Peter Pan Syndrome.
You also want to avoid the “slashster.” You know, the guy who’s a model/actor/everything else. Conti explains that those types of guys will not be focused on your relationship.
Additionally, you should be a careerist when you are scrolling through dating apps. Conti suggests that you briefly look at the pictures on their apps, but pay more attention to their career of choice. Also, delete Tinder. It’s a fuckboy breeding ground.
Look at your love life like “The Bachelorette.” Date a few guys at once so that you can ultimately take your pick. Live your life in supply [of men], not in demand [of men].
Additionally, stay away from premature infatuation. Relationships are all about consistency — screen him for that! But make sure you give him a chance to prove to you that he can be consistent. Ladies, give the guy a second date unless you are repulsed by him. Remember: attraction builds with time.
Turn off your alpha female tendencies, and let him lead. For example, if he asks you where you want to go on your date, you should respond with “I am so open. Just let me know where to be.”
Make him feel like he’s Prince Charming. When you walk up to his car, stand outside the door. If he doesn’t immediately get out to open the door for you, lightly tap on the window and give a flirty “I only go out with guys who open the door for me.” When he does open the door for you, show your appreciation for his small effort, “Oh my god thank you! You’re such a gentleman!”
Positive affirmation is key, ladies! Men need to feel needed. Many men have an “acts of service” love language. Cater to his love language and let him order for you! Compliments are great, too, but letting him do something for you will win you many points, my friend.
Wait until you’re exclusive to have sex. Listen, I literally haven’t heard of a single person that’s done that in a while. However, Conti stressed the importance of committing to each other before taking such a step.
She explained that men like to categorize women into two piles: Would Bang and Would Date. Let’s be honest, the “Would Bang” pile is exponentially larger than the other. Conti said that the only way to find out which pile you’re in is to wait to sleep with them until you’re exclusively dating each other. Or at least wait until the third date… But hey, we aren’t here to tell you what to do with your bodies.
Bottom line? If you’re having trouble navigating the L.A. dating scene, just remember: It’s not you. You’re a product of your environment.
