Sex & Life
Sex & Life August 4, 2018
To pet or not to pet...that is the question.
You know the feeling.
It’s that pain in your heart when you watch a jogger go by with their impossibly fluffy companion.
It’s the shortness of breath when you see Corgi Beach Day photos on Instagram.
It’s the sinking in your soul when your landlord reminds you (again) that your apartment complex does not allow pets.
It’s the unmistakable symptoms of dog withdrawal.
So how do you know if you have dog withdrawal? Well, if you relate to any of the following situations, you may need to call your local animal shelter and adopt a pupper immediately.
After all, it could be serious.
You know it’s probably better to adopt rescue animals, but sometimes you can’t pass up a box of adorable puppers for sale. After all, someone you know from college got a German Shepherd pup for like $70. It can happen.
You know they will say “we can’t have one.” You know they will say “we don’t have a yard.” You know they will say “we don’t even have beds.” But in your mind, the excuses to have a dog outnumber the ones for not getting a dog. Right?
You think to yourself, I can totally afford a dog! All I need to do is cut down on my indulgent spending, like drinks. And produce. And air conditioning. And air.
It’ll totally work out!
You will change your trajectory, your plans for the afternoon, even your commute if it means more doge petting. You account for doge-petting time when reaching any destination.
Some people call it a problem, but you prefer the word “forethought.”
Veterinary specialist? Check. Animal shelter volunteer? Yup. Front desk worker at a pet food store, just on the off-chance a customer brings in their pet sometimes? But of course. You love dogs. What other qualifications could you need?
What better place to treat your dog withdrawal than at a social event where you know practically no one? If there is a dog in the house, you will find the dog. And he will be yours for the evening. And yes, you will be extremely protective over this dog that you just met (and isn’t yours, but details shmetails.)
It’s not your fault! You tripped and fell onto your computer, your elbow went to the humane center page, and then you somehow got into your car and picked up a Beagle named Pickles. Complete coincidence!
It happens to the best of us, so if you feel any of these symptoms of dog withdrawal, you are not alone. And if your living situation has a strict dog policy, just spend some time at the park; you’ll have enough doge love to last you for a year.
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