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Entity bashes on newest bachelor, Nick Viall.Nick Viall, via instagram @bachelorabc

It was the whipped cream lick heard around the world. In one  of the most iconic scenes ever on “The Bachelor,” an alcohol and ambition fueled Corinne got Nick to lick whipped cream off her left boob – and the four guys I was watching this week’s episode with loved every amazing second of it.

“She is absolutely trashed …” one of them said shaking his head. “How is this even on TV!? It’s 8 o’clock and children are awake.” Another said with his jaw on the floor. “I can’t even imagine what her family is thinking right now.”

Corinne wants Nick and that’s it. She’s not even hiding it any more. But as forward as she was being, he turned her down. When I asked my guys if they would have done the same in that situation, all four of them said no. These are the future fathers of your children ladies!

We are now three episodes into this year’s season of “The Bachelor” and convincing my guy friends to sit down with me and my liter of wine to take in the latest installment of jaw dropping prime time television is getting easier.

This episode opened with the girls beginning to find out about Liz – you know, the girl that Nick met and had sex with at  a wedding. Well in the world’s most bizarre apology, Nick Viall giggled his way through an explanation about his one night stand with Liz. Something that quite frankly made me sick. If these other girls are going to judge Liz for what she did, then why aren’t they holding Nick to the same regard? As one of my male friends pointed out, “This guy is smiling ear to ear and yet these girls are telling him he ‘handled the situation so well’. I truly don’t feel bad for any of them anymore.” Preach brother.

Boozy Corinne handled the news much better than any of us imagined. Putting on a trench coat and not much else, picking up her whipped cream and setting off the seduce Nick. That attempt ended with her crying in the bathroom and us watching in disbelief.

After a rose ceremony that Corinne slept through (again, TV gold), the girls were sent away on a group date with a bunch of vampires … oh wait, I mean the Backstreet Boys. Danielle L. absolutely destroyed the dancing competition and won it easily. My friends did not even speak the whole time she was dancing.

READ MORE: Topless and Terrific: Why We Love Corinne on ‘The Bachelor’

After the break we found #teamcorn and the rest of the girls, once again hammered, at a cocktail party with Nick. Corinne once again carried the load of Viall’s boring personality with classic one liners like “I made Corinne great again.” That’s a great slogan, someone should use that to run for president …

Nick and Danielle L. got some time alone to talk. And when I say “talk,” I mean get publicly groped by the Bachelor. Even the guys watching with me were disgusted. “He’s trying to be so sly but we can all see him with two handfuls of ass in the mirror.” Another added, “God I hate this dude.”

While Danielle L. got felt up on national TV, the girls were in a boozed fueled conversation with Corinne about her nanny. I have personally always loved that this 24-year-old still has a nanny. I mean can you say #lifegoals? But apparently this is a bad thing? One contestant could not tell Nick fast enough that Corinne had a nanny. The guys couldn’t wrap their head around the problem with this either. My friend saying, “Dude if she has a nanny, that means he would also have a nanny … Like these girls are only hurting themselves by NOT having a nanny.”

Then it was the one-on-one with Vanessa. We all agreed that she looked like the hot mom at a soccer game, so we proceeded to call her soccer mom. The date started out really cute. This was the first time I felt like Nick was looking at one of the girls not like a piece of meat. “This guy doesn’t even deserve to be in the same country as Vanessa,” my brother texted me. And he is right. I can tell in her eyes that she likes him, which worries me because she seems like a very good person and he … well I really have a hard time thinking that about Nick.

READ MORE: ‘She’s Hot … But She Might Be a Psycho’: Boys Discuss ‘The Bachelor’

Finally some excitement happened when soccer mom began to puke during the zero gravity date. I could tell that he was going to kiss her, even though she had just vomited for a solid couple of minutes. I was screaming at the TV “DO NOT KISS HER SHE JUST THREW UP!” but of course, I wasn’t heard. “I mean at least they gave her gum,” one friend said as the two lock lips on screen. My brother texted me again at the same time, “In his defense, I would’ve made out with her five seconds after she puked too. Can’t hate on that move.” GROSS.

The two went on a nice date afterward. I kind of zoned out because they were talking about deep things, and I don’t watch this show for the fluff. Onto the next group date …

“Is this a Lu Lu Lemon add or are we watching the show?” The girls were asked to do something athletic and decided to put on as little clothing as possible. Just when you thought the awful puns and terrible date ideas had hit an all time high. They referred to the challenge as a “Nick-athlon.” My friends all immediately losing their minds. “Do they want us to stop watching this show?” Just as they told us that “the gold is Nick’s heart.” VOMIT.

Alexis, aka shark/dolphin girl was someone that my whole group looked past as nothing, but after her “move bitches” comment at the rose ceremony and her stellar performance at the track, we all were surprised. One of my friends saying, “Defiantly thought dolphin girl was going to get friend zoned, I guess not.”

Astrid won the challenge and ended up in a hot tub with Nick. “Hot tubs are so trashy…” I could not agree more my friend. But Nick is trashy, so who is surprised?

I got bored with the show at this point, no Corinne means no entertainment. So I went and refilled my wine glass. Because as my friend said, “Everybody on the show is drunk constantly.”

Turning my eyes back to ABC, I saw a pool party was underway on the show. The girls all stood around and stared as Nick took his top off. Again, this is just super classy TV. He jumped from girl to girl, pretending to care about their conversation until he was able to shove his tongue down their throat. “Ew does he just make out with all of them?” one of my friends asked. His roommate sitting next to him immediately responded, “Yeah, he’s trash.”

Corinne with the power move of the century gets Nick to meet her in a bouncy castle. This girl is a genius. I mean every thing she does is so spot on what Nick is looking for, but acting like he doesn’t want. They jump around before ending up kissing as she straddles him.

After a while Viall realized that his true colors were showing and quickly exited the castle. Corinne, in her new routine of getting drunk, hooking up with Nick and then going to bed, shuffled away to get some Zs.

The episode ended with Vanessa seeing right through Nick’s BS and it was BEAUTIFUL! Thank GOD for a woman that doesn’t just blame the girl. She sat the slime ball down and told him that his actions were not matching with what he was saying. SHOCKING!!!!

Me and my guy friends, and the millions of other viewers, will just have to wait and see if Viall will continue to act like he wants a wife, or finally be honest with the girls about his unsatisfied need to hook up with contestants on this reality show… Until next time…

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