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Fantasy Frappuccino trend is out of control with latest mermaid drink, Entity reports.

The Mermaid Frappuccino is apparently the latest colorful nonsensical drink ready to populate your Insta timeline.

It’s apparently vanilla bean Frappuccino, with blueberry inclusions (?), white mocha, toasted coconut and matcha powder. But let’s be real – you don’t care what’s in it. No one buying it actually does.

This is about the Instagram. Just as it was for the Dragon Frappuccino and the Unicorn Frappuccino. And I get it. They’re pretty, but like… accessibly pretty. There are cool specialty shops like Creme and Sugar that make over the top grammable goodies. But everyone can just pop over to Starbucks and quickly snap their Frappuccino to get in on the trend.

But how has this novelty not worn off? They’re all just kind of derivatives of the Unicorn Frapp. And you just KNOW baristas hate them. I mean, I remember how awkward I felt when I once asked a girl to make me a Pumpkin Spice Chai instead of a PSL, and she looked at me like I had two heads. And those unicorn drinks look a lot more labor intensive.

#BaristaProblems became a popular trend on Twitter with the Unicorn Frapps, and one Starbucks barista even wrote a post on Medium about “Why I’m Not Going to Work Today,” which was in no small part due the “pink and blue” drinks “covered in fucking glitter.”

These drinks have become such a phenomenon that chef, TV personality and professional badass Anthony Bourdain even commented on the Unicorn Frapp for Town & Country. And – if you couldn’t guess already – well, let’s just say he’s not a big fan.

“Wow, that’s like four things I hate all in one sentence: Starbucks, unicorns, and the colors pink and purple. Also a Frappuccino! It’s the perfect nexus of awfulness. Just add pumpkin spice to that mix, and you can nuke the whole county.”

LOL. Man’s got a point. Now – to be fair, I do love me some PSL. I love all things pumpkin… all fall spices really. I can be as basic as the next bitch. But this description from Cosmo of the new Mermaid Frappuccino was too much, even for me.

“If the most important thing to you is getting a fun, mermaid-inspired Insta-worthy drink, this Frapp hits all the marks.” UGH. I often fight back against the “basic” trope, because I resent the notion that you deserve to be mocked for having the gall to like something. But damn. They’ve got us here. I mean… you’re literally just throwing away money to post a picture of a labor-intensive Starbucks drink (that pissed off the hardworking baristas) to social media. That’s just basic af.

Fantasy Frappuccino trend is out of control, Entity reports.

Fantasy Frappuccino trend is out of control – so basic. Image via Overhead LA.

Also, the author literally takes at least three paragraphs to describe how to order the drink. I don’t know about you but that sounds more like a panic attack waiting to happen than a magical, caffeine pick-me-up.

I order practically the same drink every time and I still repeat it over and over in my head until it’s my turn. That aside – can you imagine being in a Starbucks with a full line, and reciting a step-by-step guide to your barista? Like, I am not strong enough to be that guy. No drink is exciting enough for me to stomach the idea that the rest of the line is probably hoping I choke on my 14-step Mermaid Frapp.

And look, in general I like a Frappuccino now and then. It’s in my Chai rotation. (I pretty much only order varieties of Chai – latte – latte with a shot – iced latte – Frapp – etc.). But that’s because I love Chai and a Frapp sometimes feels like a treat.

I'm a fan of treating yourself from time to time... but the fantasy Frappuccino trend is out of control, Entity reports.

I’m a fan of treating yourself from time to time… but the fantasy Frappuccino trend is out of control. Image via NBC/Giphy

But can we give the baristas a goddamn break, and just order something we’re actually going to drink — and that maybe won’t turn their hands pink? If you really need more fantasy in your life look at those unicorn makeup brushes online or go watch some “Game of Thrones.” Forget dainty pink and purple glitter. Make like Cersei (Lena Headey) and grab a damn goblet. Cheers!

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