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Relationships May 18, 2017
For all our non-virgin readers out there, you probably already know that your first time having sex isn’t going to be the best you’ve ever had. But at least it’ll make a great first time sex story.
And though we can’t re-do our first time, we can at least share the embarrassment with our sexually active peers. Thankfully, Reddit’s got some pretty great users, most of whom have some either awful, hilarious or raunchy sex stories.
One thing we learned? Oral sex isn’t always as glamorous as the Internet makes it seem.
“High school party. Baby blue t-shirt. In a dark basement the girl and I were getting frisky. I wanted to make sure she was satisfied, so I started with oral. Things were going good, and it was about time to come up for air and go for the deep dive. That is when I realized I needed a condom; queue me going up the stairs to procure one from somebody. I was met with hysterical laughs and camera phones.
“In that moment I realized that vaginas do not normally taste like copper. Didn’t matter, asked four different people until I found assistance. Went down and smashed. Never really lived that one down. To this day the pictures haven’t surfaced, but they are out there somewhere.”
“The first time I gave a BJ the taste of his cum made me puke but I still had my lips around his dick so I just swallowed his cum and my puke together.”
“I was 16. Excited all day, staying at hers that night. We get to hers, have some food, watch a movie, go to bed early. She’s done this before (she was older) and she’s dressed all sexy under her clothes. Strips off and lies on the bed. Lingerie, silk sheets, the whole thing.
“For some reason I JUMP into the f-cking bed like some excitable fat dude in a comedy sketch. Silk sheets [equals] a lot less friction than I was expecting. Slid like a horny penguin on my belly until my forehead connects unromantically with her nose.
“We delay sex for an hour while she gets the bleeding under control and I consider jumping out the window.”
“Breakup sex. She cried, I cried, bad time all around. Pro-tip, don’t ever let your first time be break up sex.”
“First time I ever did it I was thrusting hard and doing well, so I thought. Then she kindly informs me I wasn’t in and was rubbing between her ass cheeks and sheets the whole time. I almost came from that.”
“Very quick for me. Amazing though, how in the span of six seconds she managed to say ‘not inside me’ and ‘it’s okay’ and, within the same six seconds, I had time to blurt out ‘I love you’ to this girl I met only a week earlier.”
“I was 14 and I was having sex with this girl in her bed. Her dad walked in, saw me, screamed “OH HELL NO!” went to go get something, probably a knife so he could kill me, I climbed out of her, jumped out of the window and ran down the street.”