Sex & Life
Sex & Life August 12, 2016
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even Jim and Pam from The Office, the definition of #relationshipgoals, had issues. The truth is, getting into arguments with your significant other is not only part of life, it is part of the commitment. So, don’t flee for the exits when your number comes up, instead, try a few of of these tips and tricks to get you and your soulmate back on track.
The first thing is to recognize that you two have encountered a rough patch. Trying to blow it off as another tiny argument isn’t going to help the situation. In fact, acknowledging that you are fighting also means you are accepting that there might be an issue, which is the first step towards recovery.
Just be careful, however, to avoid criticizing your partner as you are identifying a problem. You don’t want to approach the situation with comments like “I think you are doing this wrong” or “You need to stop being like this.” Psychology Today says, “It’s okay (and can be healthy) to complain about what’s wrong in your relationship, [but] the problem arises when complaining turns into criticizing.” So in order to avoid causing any more problems, try using “I” statements when you identify a problem. An example would be: “I feel like we fight over chores a lot.”
Now that you have identified that there is a problem, it’s time to talk about it with your significant other. This isn’t going to be easy. Your partner may have been in denial this whole time. In this scenario, be prepared that broaching the issue could send their head spinning. Do your best to chat about the current situation in the most productive way possible. Make sure they know that you want to get through the issue and that you are willing to work on the relationship to get it back to where it was.
Additionally, Psychology Today warns you to avoid becoming defensive. In order to have a constructive conversation, you also need to listen without injections, such as: “It’s not my fault.” Also, complaint and counter-complaint is usually the road to nowhere. You want to avoid putting your partner in a defensive position. A two-way conversation is a must, so be respectful and listen with your heart. Remember, if you didn’t both care about each other, there would be nothing to fight about. Keep the caring element in focus.
When you go through a tough time, it’s important to think back on all the positive memories that you had together. Focusing only on the bad can result in cluttering your mind with negativity. Look back at old photos, watch past videos and remind yourself of why you fell in love in the first place. Looking back on happy memories will motivate you to return to bliss. As Psychology Today says, “Everybody has angry moments, but when you begin to feel contempt for your partner, that’s a clear sign that something needs to change.” It’s dangerous to feel better than your partner, to be purposefully insulting and intentionally mean. Stay kind and calm when trying to fix a problem.
A major issue in relationships is stubbornness. Compromising, which often requires letting your guard down, can be very powerful. Giving a little up for your partner will normally result in them doing the same for you. At the end of the day, you both want to be happy. Choose your battles wisely and a lot of your problems will diminish. Life Hacker says to “give up the need to be right.” In an interview with psychologist Dr. Hal Shorey suggests, “Accept responsibility for how you made your partner feel. For the well-being of the relationship, give up the need to drive home your point.”
A huge help to a lot of relationships is taking the Love Language quiz. A major factor for a lot of rough patches is that couples don’t know how to show their love for one another. This quiz helps with methods of expressing love for each other. Knowing what your significant other appreciates will help strengthen your relationship.
It’s important to remember that a rough patch does not necessarily mean that the relationship is over. Being in love isn’t easy; it takes work. So keep at it and work towards reaching #relationshipgoals in your own life.
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