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Entity shares what to do when your ex friend wants to hang out again.

Do you remember that one friend you used to talk to every day? When was the last time you spoke to your old-favorite person? For many men and women, that friend you used to call all the time has turned into someone you wish “happy birthday” to once a year – thanks to a reminder from Facebook, at least.

Because people and their lifestyles change, the dynamics between friendships often change as well. After all, change, as many people have said, is “the only constant thing in this universe.”

Of course, as common as it may be, it’s heartbreaking when “best friends forever” becomes “friend,” “acquaintance” or “stranger.” So what do you do when you run into your ex-best friend and they ask to “catch up”? Here are ENTITY’s top four tips when hanging out with ex-friends.

1 Be honest with yourself and the other person.

Depending on how the friendship ended, it’s important to know whether the break still feels painful. Did you two fight over something deeply personal – like her flirting with your boyfriend or your choice to quit your job? Are you still hurt by what happened? If you still have any negative feelings towards this man or woman, or what caused the separation, then it’s probably best to respectfully decline the offer to hang out.

It’s important to wait until you’re ready to forgive the other person without feeling resentful. According to Mayo Clinic, carrying grudges into relationships can cause you to “become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present [while also losing] valuable and enriching connectedness with others.” You may feel like forgiving earlier with help you grow as a person, but it can actually cause the exact opposite.

2 Focus on them and be an active listener.

If you do agree to see each other, one of the best ways to start a conversation is by asking the other person how he or she has been doing. Once you’re together and the conversation has started, put away your phone and turn your body toward him or her to show that you are listening. Don’t be afraid to ask questions either. Showing active interest can make both of you less nervous and keep them for searching for random things to say.

When you are engaged in a particular story, you can continue to ask questions in order to keep the conversation going. Psychology Today says, “By [clearing] your mind and truly [showing] that you’re listening, you will find it much easier to become engaged.” When you open yourself up to the conversation, you will be more attentive and more likely to enjoy your time together. Whether you’re a successful business woman or still a student in college, you’re probably busy; make the time spent catching up count.

3 Act like nothing has changed.

Try not to plague your mind with scenarios of awkward silences, pauses and smiles. In reality, things are only awkward if somebody makes them awkward. If generic questions about his or her life don’t work, then talk about recent events (though comparing notes on Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump may not be the relaxed conversation topic you’re looking for). Talk as if you had just seen your old friend last week.

For example, if you remember that you two had a mutual interest, try talking about that. Do you have a favorite show that you used to watch together? If you did, then perhaps you could bring up what happened in the recent episode. Do you know if they’re interested in art, fashion design or beauty tutorials? Ask them how their latest project is going! You may even find that picking up where you two left off sparks a familiarity that makes it easy to catch up.

4 Try something new together.

Another way to get over the fact that you two haven’t spoken in a while is by creating new, Instagram-worthy memories together. Have you always wanted to go hiking on a specific trail or explore a new culture together down in China Town? Invite your old friend to tag along, and then talk about what’s happening around you.

Creating new memories together keeps conversations in the present and also helps reboot your relationship from where you left off. Additionally, these experiences will help you create conversations the next time you get together. Maybe you’ll even learn something new about your friend that you didn’t know before!

Overall, seeing an old friend doesn’t have to be an agonizing experience; it can be enjoyable, entertaining and even a source of personal growth. If neither of you are ready and willing to forgive and forget, seeing him or her again may never provide the closure you need. If both parties are open to rebuilding burned bridge, though, perhaps it’s time to rekindle a friendship that once meant the world to you both.

Edited by Casey Cromwell
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