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Close your eyes and name five of your closest friends.

What are their jobs? How did you meet them? And, perhaps most importantly, what are their ages? If you’re like most Americans – 73 percent, to be exact – you’re satisfied with the number of friends you have and your existing relationships with them. However, if your list did not include a few men or women that are significantly older or younger than you, then you may be missing out.

How can older and younger friends change your life for the better? ENTITY recently chatted with Mark Vernon, psychotherapist and author of “The Meaning of Friendship,” and Jon Nussbaum, Penn State professor who studies communicative behavior, to find out.

An oldie, but a goodie.

When you think about expanding your social circle with new friends, it might not be your first choice to go for the grandma down the street, one of your parents’ successful pals or the co-worker who is 20 years your senior. However, some things get better with age … and a friend can be one of them!

You’ve probably heard the saying, “With age comes wisdom.” This cliche is 100 percent true, according to Vernon and Nussbaum. “Older people bring a certain wisdom to their young friends,” explains Vernon. “They’ve probably seen it before, not so as to become cynical, but so as to be able to discern what really matters.”

With every year that we age, we learn from our experiences and the chessboard of life becomes a little easier to navigate. Just think of how different the world has become in your lifetime. In just two decades – literally a blink of an eye in historical terms – how we communicate, our culture and the economy as a whole have changed dramatically. Now imagine how much your parents and grandparents have witnessed in their lifetimes and the wisdom they’ve garnered along the way. When you’re friends with someone older this wisdom can trickle down to you.

Not only that, but older individuals can also be open to “positive mentoring” to help you avoid the same mistakes that they did, says Nussbaum. Whether you’re being mentored at work or during weekly dinners in a local diner, mentorship has been shown to make people less likely to experience symptoms of depression, more likely to have positive familial relationships and 130 percent more likely to hold leadership positions. In fact, befriending that successful friend of your mom and dad may be the best career move you can make.

As Vernon points out, however, “a certain amount of equality is important in friendship.” Luckily, according to Nussbaum, forming a relationship with someone older and receiving their advice fulfills people’s “inborn need to help.” In fact, research has found that the greatest value of groups like Caring Together – which allows people of varying ages to socialize, participate in activities and help each other – is a “sense of belonging and being able to help others.” Something as simple as advising you to cut a negative person out of your life and seeing how much happier you are as a result can be a pleasing reward for the friend who gave the guidance.

All of these benefits don’t surprise 23-year-old Elizabeth Reim, a donor relations coordinator at the nonprofit innovation organization X-Prize, who regularly spends time with 47-year-old college professor Amy Johnson. Their relationship began as one between a mentor and mentee. However, “what began as a mentor type of relationship has evolved into what is really my best friend,” says Reim. She can also attest how helpful a “wiser” perspective can be. “Amy is my sounding board,” Reim explains. “She can listen without judgment and give advice through her personal anecdotes.”

Few things are free in the world, but advice from our elders usually is. So why not take advantage of it and give back in return?

Young, but lots of fun.

Developing friendships with your elders may be one of the wisest moves you can make, but bonding with younger friends is just as rewarding. Children and teenagers aren’t typically known for being wise. However, this age group offers a unique perspective of the world.

In fact, “Younger people can remind their older friends that the potential and possibilities of life are key to living well,” according to Vernon. ” With youth comes vitality, of course, but also a desire to make a mark in the world – be that to have a family, a career, an interest, a home.” In fact, researchers have even found that the young can “pass some of their vigor onto the elderly,” improving their companion’s cognitive abilities and vascular health. Sure, maybe as a 30-something woman hanging out with a teenager, you won’t get the same health benefits. But maybe some of the same passion and zeal for life possessed by your younger friend could rub off on you!

Compared to older generations, children, teens and young adults can also offer “different experiences and ideas” and provide a “connection to community through schools or extracurricular activities,” according to Nussbaum. In fact, when Pew Research Center surveyed members of the millennial, Generation X, Boomer and Silent generations about their group’s unique traits, they all emphasized different strengths. Millennials are particularly skilled with technology; for instance, 75 percent of them report to having a social networking site profile versus 50 percent of Gen X and 30 percent of Boomers.

But when you make younger friends, you could also learn more about current music and pop culture, as well as the reasons for more liberal views about marriage, sexuality or other controversial topics.

Despite their 23-year age difference, Reims and Johnson became such good friends that Johnson introduced Reims to seven other women in their 20s, 30s and 40s who work in everything from tech to nonprofit to consulting to art curator. This close-knit group may be decades apart in chronological age, but their depth of experience and mutual support has easily eclipsed the generational gap.

“Respecting each other no matter what our ages or backgrounds, we always have the opportunity to learn from one another,” says Reims. “We have gone on service trips to places like Fiji and Nicaragua as we both love to travel. And proving that you are never too old to learn something new, Amy took up surfing at age 45!”

 

Age is just a number … to use to make your friend group better!

When creating a squad-worthy of Wonder Woman herself, you should try to include women who are both older and younger than you. Each person can offer a unique vantage point on the same topic.

For example, each day, women receive more rights in the workplace and home, gender stereotypes are being shattered and more favorable policies are being enacted to protect women. Members of the younger generation may not be aware of the historical significance of many of the privileges – like the right to vote or access higher education – that they have now. On the other hand, women above a certain age may not understand the impact that social media campaigns or online groups can have on the battle for gender equality.

As Mark Vernon says, “The virtues of friendship – care, curiosity, honesty, courage – are like rays of sunshine: They will attract all sorts of people to their warmth.” And when you have this mix of “all sorts of people,” your discussions can be that much more rich, educational and enjoyable.

On your own, you have a limited array of knowledge and experience. But with older and younger women by your side, you can see the world through a much clearer and wider lens.

Edited by Iman Bibi
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