Relationships February 23, 2018
If you’ve dated anyone ever, you know that manboys are as prevalent as crows or termites. When they appear, they appear in hordes…and they are just as inconvenient.
So how can you tell the difference between manboys and men? If you’re wondering how to find a good guy, here are the main differences for which you should be on the lookout.
Men message you for its original purpose: the mythical concept of meaningful communication (oooh ahhh). With manboys, it’s pretty easy to pick out what they want in the first few messages they send, and it’s not always sexual. It can be a ride to the airport, food, money, what have you…but it’s not always immediately evident.
If you have yourself a charmer, consider asking a friend to read their texts and give you her opinion. If she can pick out a motive within the first few messages, you might have yourself a manboy.
Here’s the tricky thing about this one. Your needs could still be pretty high on the list…but if he’s a manboy, his requirements will always come first. He wants to hang out tonight but you need to study? He will try to guilt you into changing your plans until you succumb rather than understanding that your education should be a priority.
A man may be sad that he cannot spend time with his favorite person, and he may express that sadness. However, he will not coerce you into abandoning your studies.
If your love language is gifts or acts of service, this one is especially important. Let’s say you make breakfast for a guy, and he thanks you. The next morning, when you don’t make breakfast, he nonverbally expresses his disappointment that this did not occur again.
However, when you think about it, you can’t remember a time he thought of something nice to do for you in advance. Something as simple as making coffee or taking out the trash is totally outside his realm of possibilities. This means he is in this relationship for gain, not for mutual acts of love and service.
A man will look for little ways to serve you, and he won’t expect an equal or greater gift in return.
If you’re wondering how to find a good guy, you may want to employ the “day date test” (patent pending). Contact the gentleman in question and ask him his thoughts on a daytime event. It could be anything: going to the beach, going to a matinee movie showing, you name it.
If his response is consistently much slower or less enthused than the nighttime dates, he is disappointed by the lack of sexual potential. A male student at Concordia University Irvine presented this theory in confidence:
“If he’s just as enthusiastic about dates that don’t have sex potential (going to the pier at midday) as opposed to sex-potential dates (dinner at night/anything at night) I reckon that’s a good sign.”
If three or four “day dates” go by and his attitude does not differ too much from the nighttime outings, you’ve mastered how to find a good guy.
Have you ever been dating a guy who is basically a prince, but once you’re official, all the chivalry seems to disappear? This means he views you as a task to be accomplished, kind of like a mission in one of his video games. It’s natural to relax a little bit after you finally “get the girl”, but he shouldn’t stop all the Cusack-isms (little cute ways you show love to a significant other) after you become exclusive.
A man will not use his new title as “boyfriend” as an excuse to stop being a gentleman. If he opened doors for you before, that behavior will not change. If he told you all the things he appreciated about you before, he won’t seem somewhat indifferent now that you’re monogamous. Basically, he will still show you that he loves you…because he doesn’t see the point in keeping you guessing.
So if you’re wondering how to find a good guy, start by avoiding the manboys. Men know how to treat strong women the way they deserve…and they have the security to show that love in any way they can.
