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ENTITY Mag talks self-love and body positivity advocate Kelly U

Smooth skin, toned abs, peach-shaped butt — that’s what women are told it entails to be pretty. But, Instagrammer and self-proclaimed “self-lovespo” Kelly U disagrees.

Before U called herself a “self-lovespo,” she tried to adhere to the beauty standards she saw in mainstream media and identified as a ‘fitspo,’ short for ‘fitness inspiration.’ When she decided she wanted to accept herself for the way she was, she became a self-love inspiration, in short a ‘self-lovespo.’

She advocates for unapologetic self-love and body positivity. To practice self-love, recover from an eating disorder and help others to do the same, she shares her journey online.

ENTITY Mag talks Instagram body positivist Kelly U

Instagram /@_kellyu

U posted this photo on March 8 and shared in the caption how she never thought of herself as “beautiful women” because her body didn’t conform to society’s beauty ideals. She wrote, “I want to like myself for my insides, and not give into all the pressures outside of me. […] Once you notice that all these self-doubts and unkind words about yourself are simply noise, you’ll start to really see yourself. […]”

Struggling with eating disorders and self-worth

U started struggling with eating disorders at 10-years-old. Her young crush body-shamed her when he called her “chubby.” She became anorexic, losing 40 pounds within eight months and starved herself to 65 pounds on a 4’10” frame, she told Vice.

When her parents forced her to gain weight, U found comfort in binge-eating to try to silence the emotional turmoil. Her satisfaction from the food would quickly turn into guilt and disgust, and result in a cycle of excessive exercise and very restrictive eating.

Even though U’s weight was considered healthy, her self-image and relationship with food and exercise was anything but that. Around that time, she started her Instagram account to share her fitness journey online.  While she seemed happy and healthy on social media, she went through “dark” times, she shared with ENTITY Mag during an interview in May 2018. When she decided to see a therapist for depression, the therapist told U that she suffered from an eating disorder.

Her first therapy session was three years ago. She went from measuring every gram of food she ate and obsessively tracking all her workouts and weighing herself every day to listening to her body and allowing herself to eat whenever she is hungry, she said. Through therapy she started to understand what caused her unhealthy relationship with food, exercise and her body. Now, her Instagram account turned into a platform for body positivity, self-love and shared experiences and advice on recovery.

“Accepting the fact that I had an eating disorder helped me realize that the solution to all of my struggles wasn’t achieving a certain weight or silhouette,” she told Vice. “Losing weight wouldn’t help me find self-worth or happiness. It was loving myself—irrespective of my weight.”

While she has come a long way since then, she continues to work and improve her relationship with food, exercise and self-love.

“My current relationship with food and exercise is one that’s always recovering,” she shared with ENTITY Mag. “And it has changed a lot. […] But it was a very long process to get out of that cycle […] It took a long process to realize that all aspects that I used to be so obsessed with were really just a way for me to feel in control because I had felt so out of control with my relationship with my body and food my entire life,” she said.

Compassion is key

She now has a healthier perspective on body image and her self-worth, yet U emphasizes that the recovery process has ups and downs. Practicing self-love gives her the strength to keep going. 

“I have a hard time being proud of myself. I have a hard time acknowledging how hard I have worked on my recovery with depression, anxiety, eating disorders – anorexia, binge-eating. I often, almost always, forget that I should be proud of how far I have come. And any time I have a low point, a dark point, it’s okay,” she shares in one of her YouTube videos.

On the days she does fall back into habits of binge-eating and restriction, U finds herself reverting to old patterns of self-loathing and self-punishment. To combat those painful feelings, she reminds herself to acknowledge her actions and treat herself with compassion.

“It’s okay when you fall into the binges. […] When I say it is Okay, I mean you need to realize that you are struggling so much, that [binging] was the only thing you could do at that time. And you must be compassionate for that struggle. You must love yourself and care for yourself. Stop judging yourself. […] That [compassion] has enabled me to slowly break out of the pattern [of binge-eating and restricting]. […] It’s an ongoing process, learning how to love yourself, to care for yourself, and stop beating yourself up,” she said. 

Her goal is not only to break the habits of her eating disorder. But, to also acknowledge all her feelings, even when they’re negative, and allow herself to experience them rather than finding comfort in food.

“I am hoping to achieve, every day, a better relationship with myself, with my feelings, […] with food, my body and exercise. I really want to be intuitive with myself, validate my feelings, and honor my feelings and not go back to [unhealthy] habits as a comfort but more so acknowledge them and give myself love for that struggle and keep going,” she said in the interview with ENTITY Mag.

Progress, not perfection

U is honest and real about her insecurities and setbacks, but remains encouraging and positive about recovery and self-love. She fosters a supportive community where she reminds her followers that progress is the end goal, not perfection.

ENTITY Mag talks self-love and body positivity advocate Kelly U

Instagram/ @_kellyu

In the Instagram caption of this photo from February 15, she shared: “[…] When I started letting go of my idea of perfection, I lightened up from the inside out. Two years ago, I didn’t know that it was okay to just be myself, look like ‘me,’ and spent my days chasing an idea of perfection. My constant drive to change was the strongest distraction from my struggles with food, my body and my past.”

On Instagram, U shares photos of her body in natural poses without trying to present herself as an inauthentic ideal. She unapologetically shows candid shots of herself in swimwear, lingerie and whatever she wants to wear.

ENTITY Mag talks self-love and body positivity advocate Kelly U

Instagram /@_kellyu

“Been feelin’ myself more since I stopped wasting energy on ‘sucking in.’ Warm weather isn’t a time to hide. It’s your time to shine and realize every single part of you deserves light and love,” the caption reads on her Instagram post dated May 3.

U’s embraced her natural beauty in any way she can. She doesn’t only show her body in the natural state, but she isn’t afraid to show her bare face on social media. By doing so, she hopes to encourage others to be confident in their own skin with and without makeup when they’re in private or in public spaces.

“I feel the most confident and beautiful when I am in no make-up and when I am in comfy clothes. [When] putting yourself on social media, you feel the most conventionally beautiful when you’re wearing a cute outfit and when you’re wearing makeup. But that is the deep contrast that I find is a struggle for so many people, including myself. And I address that also on social media, ” she shared with ENTITY Mag. “It’s about incorporating both sides of you; feeling beautiful with and without makeup. I think finding a balance with beauty standards on you and off you is the best advice I’ve given myself in trying to be comfortable in my body. It’s okay to wear makeup, it’s okay not to. Just love yourself in both moments and don’t judge what’s going on at that moment.”

In short…

U dares to be vulnerable, honest and true to every aspect of herself. She shares the dark sides of her journey on social media where many only show the bright sides of their lives. Her vulnerability, passion, encouragement and advice are comforting and inspiring. Regardless of the extent to which one may struggle with body image, self-love or food, U will make them feel less alone and will encourage them to treat themselves with kindness even when it seems hard sometimes.

Edited by Shahrazad Encinias
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