If you’ve ever watched “Sex and the City,” you’ve probably screamed, “Hell yeah!” at the TV when Samantha Jones said, “I love you. But, I love me more.” Although self-love looks like a simple concept in the movies, many struggle with this challenging trait in real life. In fact, according to Heart of Leadership, seven out of 10 young women don’t believe they’re good enough in some way – whether in looks, intelligence or relationships with others.
If you think you’re immune to the struggle, it might be time to ask yourself a few hard questions. How long do you think you’ve spent this week complaining about your “flaws”? Or how many minutes have you spent staring in the mirror, checking to see if you’re properly camouflaged?
The truth is that we’re never going to be “perfect” if we keep defining perfect as some impossible ideal. Not to mention that even if we fix the traits that bother us, those disliked traits are often simply replaced by different ones. Trust me – I know.
I hated my hair for the longest time and I told myself I would feel better about myself if only I owned a straightener. I hated my face, first because of acne and then because of the scars left behind, so I started wearing more makeup. I hated my chipped teeth, so I got caps. Every time I fixed one imperfection, I thought I’d feel better about myself, but I didn’t. Some new problem always popped up – and new problems always will if you keep applying band-aids to cover a deeper issue.
Because, in the end, my “imperfections” shared a common source: I didn’t love myself. Is it easy to suddenly look in the mirror and see a badass Beyonce staring back? No way! You don’t just wake up one day and decide, “Hey, I’m all better now. No more self esteem problems for me!” Instead, self love is a process that you need to work on every day. The first step? Stop trying to correct everything because every little imperfection makes you YOU. Don’t knock self-affirmations either. Try writing little notes to yourself on a mug, picture frame or your screen saver to remind you that you are beautiful, amazing, and beyond worthy of love.
When you start loving yourself, you’ll have an easier time loving life as well. You’ll be in a better mood, have more energy and be more open-minded. Feel like you can never meet the “right” guy? Learning to love yourself may also be the best thing you can do for your love life! When you’re insecure, it can feel impossible to let someone really get to know you – for fear that they’ll be disgusted by your flaws – or believe that someone truly loves you, imperfections and all. As cliché as it sounds, if you want someone to love you, you need to love yourself first.
But, as Samantha Jones shows, self-love can be even harder sometimes than others. Sometimes self love means you must choose yourself over others. Despite how it sounds, you aren’t motivated by selfishness. Instead, you may find yourself stuck between doing what makes you happy and doing something that you don’t like, but makes others happy. For example, you don’t want to break up with your significant other because you’re afraid you’ll hurt him or her, but you no longer feel that the relationship is “right” for you. Self love, in this case, means choosing YOU.
Or it could even mean watching Sex and the City every week for months until, like Jones, you know your worth. More than that, you know that while self-love isn’t easy, it’s worth the daily battle.
