Relationships June 23, 2017
It sounds cliché I know, but it's true.
Being a young woman ultimately comes with being in weird and dumb relationships. However, sometimes these relationships can teach you important life lessons. And sometimes you come upon someone who can change your life. This is the story of both of those times.
During my first two years of college, I was involved with someone who just wasn’t right for me. No matter how hard I tried for the relationship to work and be healthy, it just wasn’t. I was in love, and he wasn’t. And I had the hardest time accepting this fact.
When I met my current boyfriend, I was still involved with my ex. I had tried countless times to break it off, but I couldn’t because I was still so emotionally tied to him.
After multiple ignored texts and calls from my ex, I finally told him that I had met someone new. I was greeted with unkind words that “no one would love me the way he did” and “no one could possibly care about me” because I was unlovable (according to him at least). He tried to convince me to stay and said he was the only person for me. But I knew he wasn’t and I knew these were signs that I had made the right choice.
The relationship left me extremely broken. I allowed myself be treated like dirt, used as a shoulder to cry on when he needed me and then thrown away like a dirty Kleenex once he was fine. It was all about him and never about me.
I saw all the signs that it was time to go, but couldn’t. I felt trapped: half in, half out.
Ready for change I jumped head first into a new relationship with my current boyfriend. And even though it was one of the scariest moments of my life I did it anyway. Thankfully, it turned out to be one of the best decisions I have made. Meeting my boyfriend helped me learn a lot, both about myself and how I deserve to be treated.
My current boyfriend is the polar opposite of my ex. He takes my feelings into consideration, listens to me when I need to talk and reassures me that I am lovable, unlike what my ex had claimed.
But I don’t want to make this about how I found someone great and how you can too. You can, but that isn’t what this article is about. This is about how finding someone helped me learn to love myself again.
My current boyfriend has dealt with the problems that my ex created. Giving your all to someone, to get absolutely nothing in return, leaves you with little faith in others. And it leaves you with little confidence in yourself.
This was the mindset I had when I entered this new relationship. However, my boyfriend has proved me wrong. He has shown up and been there for me when life got complicated and helped restore my faith in others.
For example, two months into our relationship I jetted off to study abroad in Sydney, Australia. Most guys wouldn’t even consider a long distance relationship, especially one so new. I told him I understood if he wanted to end things.
Instead, he sat me down and told me how much he cared for me. He said he wouldn’t leave me over something as silly as distance. And yeah, long distance can be really hard. But, as he told me at the time, “if you care about someone enough, you will deal with anything to be with them”. And he did.
He dealt with having to go to sleep at 2 am every night just so he could talk to me for half an hour. And with me going to places where I barely had enough cell service to let him know I had made it safely. He dealt with all the ups and downs that come with a relationship, but especially a long distance relationship, and showed me that someone who really cares won’t give up on you.
Ultimately, he has shown me that I am worthy of someone who treats me well, cares and makes me happy. And after everything I went through with my ex, it’s nice to have someone who actually backs up their words with actions.
He has taught me that I deserve to be surrounded by people who love and support me. When I first met my boyfriend, I had no self confidence. I confided in him that this was because of people in my life who tried to keep me down.
Because of him I’ve cut off toxic relationships in my life that I didn’t have the guts to end sooner. I have worked on the relationships I care about and tried to do better by my friends and family.
His love even helped me with my career. When I was searching for a summer job I truly believed that I wouldn’t get responses from anyone. I just didn’t see why anyone would want to hire me.
He reassured me that my favorable attributes would shine through to someone, and that I would find an organization that saw the potential I had. I just had to believe in myself. And it worked.
Truly, my point is this. You are worthy of having a life you love. Don’t let others make you feel inferior, because you AREN’T.
It took meeting someone amazing to realize that I am worthy of a fulfilling and happy life. Whether it’s this article, a friend, or an event in your life that makes you realize it, I hope you can realize that you have potential, and that loving yourself, as stupid as it may sound, can change your world.
It may not be a person that does this for you, but look for that event, mentor, book, etc. that makes you say to yourself ‘Hey, I am important and I am worthy’. Try to remember it when times get tough. It can make all the difference.
