Do you remember your first day of school? You were the new kid and that meant you didn’t know anyone and you didn’t have any friends. As you walked into the classroom, you probably thought to yourself, “I hope they like me.”
Does this feeling sound familiar? If so, you may have that same sinking feeling in your stomach about meeting some of the most important people in your life: your stepchildren.
You’re not alone. According to a US Census Bureau report, 1,300 new stepfamilies are forming every day, and 50 percent of U.S. families are remarried or re-coupled.
While wicked stepmothers have haunted children since Cinderella, new moms in the real world can easily garner a lasting and positive relationship with stepchildren. Here’s how you can start forming that bond.
Everyone can tell when someone is trying too hard, especially kids. They can detect a nervous phony from a mile away. So, just relax and let go of the idea that they have to like you. If they don’t like you at first, that doesn’t mean that you should give up. Let them process the addition to their family.
Know that when you meet your stepchildren, they will most likely have some – if not a lot – of resistance. Just know that it’s really not about you. Keep in mind that any other woman in your place would be getting the stink eye. The kids are most likely resentful that you are there in place of their mother.
Whatever reason your spouse has in looking for a new mate, try to keep in mind how the children must feel. There’s a saying that goes, “Divorce is always hardest on the kids.” So, be patient with them. You may have come into their lives too soon for their liking or maybe you are the proof that their parents will never get back together. They may resent you for it, but don’t let it discourage you.
These are the words of the CEO of ENTITY and step-mom, Jennifer Schwab Wagners. This is extremely important to remember. Since you’re nervous and understand how important this encounter is, you will want the kids to instantly like you. Bear in mind that you can’t control what they think or feel. In fact, take comfort in the fact that what they think and feel can change over time. If you give them all the love and dedication you have, it will pay off in the future. You have time to develop a relationship with them, so remember to take it slow.
No matter which scenarios you have in your head about your first encounter with the kids, be open to anything. The kids might instantly love you or they might be nervous to meet you, just as you are nervous to meet them. But, no matter the situation, be open. You never know what can happen.
Before you leave them that first day, make sure you find some common ground with them. You may have something in common with the kids that you didn’t expect. Even if you don’t, ask them abut their interests or hobbies. It’s a great way to let them know you’re interested in them and not just their father or mother. It’s also a great way to get to know them as individuals.
No matter what happens that day, show the kids that you are dedicated to them. Be there for them and be a confidant when they need you. Even if they push you away or even if they seem disinterested in you, don’t stop being interested in them.
