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Entertainment January 24, 2017
Finally the girls of “The Bachelor” have grown some balls and decided to confront Corinne about their problems with her – much to the delight of my guy friends who were watching this latest episode with me.
“Everyone is so jealous of Corinne it’s magical,” one of them mumbles – and it’s true. This season has focused on her more than any other girl, even more than Bachelor Nick , and we love it.
As all hell broke loose at the start of episode four with attacks launched on the target of hate, one of the guys bet another one $10 that Corinne was going to be left without a flower at the rose ceremony and sent home. That soon proved an easy $10 for his friend to win.
Instead it was Christen who went home. She cried in her exit interview about not being able to find love. The guys were stunned by this. One said, “I don’t get it, they say they will never find love, but yet they knew him for only three weeks?”
Safe in the knowledge that #TeamCorn wasn’t going anywhere, we poured our glasses full of wine and settled in for another episode of “The Bachelor” starring Corinne.
Once Corinne had slept off her latest hangover, host Chris Harrison appeared and announced that the girls were about to embark on a journey that would take them around the world, and that magical trip would start in…Milwaukee. Collective laughter filled my room as the girls screamed on the TV screen. “Where the hell is Milwaukee anyway?” one of my friends said, “and why are these girls acting excited to go there?”
As the girls went on their way to basically the middle of nowhere, Nick met up with his parents. The second they showed his folks I was hit with so many questions by the guys. “Is Nick their kid? He looks nothing like them?’ Also, “I didn’t know that Kate Plus 8 chick got remarried,” and my personal favorite, “His mom has a ‘I need to see the manager’ haircut.”
READ MORE: ‘Yeah, He’s Trash’: Even Men Despise ‘The Bachelor’
Nick chatted with his parents who seemed to believe his quest for love even less than I do. At one point Viall’s mother was crying and I heard my friend giggle and say, “I would cry too if my son was that big of a douche.”
Once the water works dried up, Nick walked away with Danielle L. on his arm for their first one on one date in Viall’s hometown. This “romantic” date consisted of them smashing cookies against each other and the totally unplanned moment of Nick running into his ex and saying hi. “Is this a joke?” one friend asked me. I had to tell him that ABC really thinks we don’t know that this whole situation is staged while another guy commented, “If I ran into my ex, the last thing I would do is say hi…”
Later that night, Danielle L. and Nick had a nice dinner and went to a concert. That’s all I know about this part of the episode because I couldn’t hear a single thing that was said. All I could make out was my friends shouting over each other that they could very easily “pull” Danielle. I am assuming their date went well because Danielle went back to the Milwaukee penthouse with a rose in hand.
The following day was the group date. Corinne finally got some welcome airtime. Nick took the ladies to a farm, even though we all know there is no way that he EVER has worked on a farm. “Its so obvious that he did not grow up like this.” one of my pals chimed in. “He’s an awful actor.”
The date was all fun and games in the beginning. Feeding and milking cows with a little bit of group flirting, but then, shit hit the fan, literally. Nick made the girls shovel poop into a barrel. Yes, you heard me right. “What kind of a jerk makes a bunch of girls scoop poop!” one friend asked, with his jaw on the floor.
Corinne was having none of it, and the guys couldn’t blame her. “She’s an educated, non-privileged lady who doesn’t need to waste away shoveling cow shit,” one remarked. I reminded them that she was sitting out because she “had a hand situation” but that was ignored.
READ MORE: Topless and Terrific: Why We Love Corinne on ‘The Bachelor’
At the cocktail party that night, Corinne got that drink she so desperately needed and all was right in the world. When she grabbed her boobs and demanded, “Do you call this immature?”, the guys could not handle it. “It is nine pm, children are seeing this, I just can’t believe it.”
Since none of the women could mind their own business, yet another attack on Corinne was launched. My friends took this as an opportunity to ask me, “why most girls just suck.” They were talking about why females in general care what other girls do. I didn’t have an answer. One of the guys said of Nick, “Clearly he is a horn dog, like why are they surprised that he is into her?”
Next it was Raven’s turn for her one-on-one with Nick. They went to his little sister’s soccer game, which the whole room felt weird about. “Meeting a little sibling is awkward enough, but this is just painful.” But that wasn’t all, because she was also forced to meet the parents. “He picked a good girl to do this with..” one of the guys commented, “Can you imagine Corinne on this date?”
Nick and Raven then headed off to a skating rink with Viall’s sister where the action on screen soon prompted one of my guys to comment, “Nothing like grabbing your girlfriend’s butt in front of your little sister…”
The two had a romantic dinner where Raven told Nick about her last relationship, which ended in a beat down. “It’s so hot that she beat the shit out of that guy.” My friend commented, and he wasn’t alone. Nick found that and everything else about Raven to be very deserving of a rose, and the two skated away together.
The following night brought more complaints about Corinne, mainly from Taylor. “This chick is really getting on my nerves, she whines all the time,” said one of the guys. #TeamCorn was getting sick of the complaining, just like the rest of us, and she decided to be an adult and pull Taylor to the side for a conversation about it. “Oh yes, a cat fight!” my friend screamed in anticipation as the two got cozy on a bench.
Corinne then asked Taylor to explain her problem, and Taylor couldn’t even look at her. She said that she felt Corinne wasn’t “emotionally intelligent” which got the room going crazy. “She’s calling you stupid Corinne – get her!” my friends were literally standing and screaming at the TV.
Then the episode suddenly ended with a “to be continued” and a black screen. “Wait what no!” one of the guys yelled, slamming his drink on the table. “I need more!”
But he, and the rest of us will just have to wait for the WWE Smackdown that is going to occur between Corinne and Taylor next week. The wait is going to kill us…
