Relationships March 13, 2017
Still searching for your Prince Charming? Then you’ve probably considered – if not already tried out – online dating sites or apps, including the infamous Tinder.
At first glance, Tinder’s numbers look like they’d be in a girl’s favor: reports claim that Tinder has been downloaded over 100 million times and makes 26 million matches a day. Talk about options!
However, Tinder isn’t the romantic secret weapon it may sound like. To find out about the drawbacks of using dating sites or apps like Tinder, Entity chatted with a variety of relationship experts, ranging from Karenna Alexander, a certified dating coach and matchmaker, to Julie Spira, an online and mobile dating expert and CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert.
Here are five reasons women looking for true love should swipe left to dating apps like Tinder!
Sure, dating the old-fashioned way also requires plenty of free time and patience. However, “the biggest drawback to dating apps like Tinder are that they are a big time suck,” says Alexander. “You need to do a lot of weeding out. You probably won’t meet 99 percent of the people who you swipe right on.”
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In fact, one 2014 study reported that users spend an average of 90 minutes a day on Tinder…and that’s the time people spend looking for dates, not to mention talking to matches and meeting them. And the latter isn’t a guarantee: Pew Research found that one-third of people who use online dating sites and apps like Tinder never actually go on a date with the people they’re matched up with.
So all that time you spend swiping to find “the one”? It might actually be better spent hanging out at your local single’s bar or actually, well, going on a date.
Perhaps the worst part of Tinder – or any online/mobile dating tool? “Many singles using Tinder believe it’s still an app for hookups or casual sex,” says Spira. “This is a concern for someone who is looking for a serious relationship.”
Although the CEO of Tinder has denied the app’s “hook-up culture,” researchers report that the very design of Tinder encourages short, weak relationships by:
Besides the plethora of users only looking for a fling, many people lie on their profile, according to Marriage and Family therapist Dr. Wendy O’Connor. “Apps like Tinder allow people who struggle with social or emotional relationships to hide out. These kinds of people can even cause intimacy and trust issues by ‘ghosting’ or ‘breadcrumbing’ those they’re matched with,” she explains. “People can also lie about their sex, age, picture or intention. Not to mention hidden or non disclosed mental illness, substance abuse issues or STDs.”
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In fact, one study of 500 Tinder uses found that over one-third of people admitted to smudging a few details to get the most right swipes. Sure, you might find yourself dealing with honest matches most of the time. But is the frustration and possible heartbreak caused by the bad apples worth the risk?
So, you think you’ve finally found a good one. The next step is meeting in-person – but timing your IRL date can be complicated, according to Dr. Erin Sumner, a Trinity University assistant professor of human communications. “My own research with Art Ramirez shows that…it is good to take a bit of time to establish a basic sense of familiarity with the other person so that you have something to build from when you meet face-to-face,” she explains. “That said, waiting too long can allow you to form unrealistic expectations about the other person, which could leave you feeling disappointed when you do meet them face-to-face.”
Via Reddit
You also have to consider safety when you go from messaging to meeting. Unlike when you date a friend-of-a-friend, you’re meeting a complete stranger…and that can have fatal consequences. In 2016, for instance, Warriena Wright used Tinder while traveling in Australia. She matched with Gable Tostee and, by the end of their date, Wright was dead.
While Wright’s experience is obviously not typical of Tinder, it does reveal how careful you need to be when meeting your match.
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Another challenge of Tinder? You may see your soulmate on Tinder and swipe left without even noticing. “Swiping is done at such a fast speed that it’s easy to miss people who – if you had met them in person – you might be interested in,” explains Alexander. “The photo is key to Tinder, and, unfortunately, not everyone takes good photos.”
Even if you do match with a guy who seems to be perfect for you, online observations can’t tell you everything you need to know. “You cannot fully gauge your unique chemistry and sense of physical attraction until you meet up in person,” says Sumner.
In fact, one 2008 study concluded that online dating often “fails to meet user expectations because people, unlike many commodities available for purchase online, are experience goods.” You want a guy who can make you laugh, feel beautiful or take risks – and a short Tinder bio probably can’t accurately reflect those experiential traits. More recent research by Paul Eastwick has even found that people often don’t know what they want in a partner – until they find it (in person), at least.
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Maybe all that time you spend analyzing Tinder bios for your “ideal” partner really isn’t doing you any favors…
Dating apps are more popular than ever, with Pew Research reporting that usage has increased in almost every age bracket. That doesn’t automatically make apps like Tinder the panacea to all love problems, though.
“I don’t think there’s one magical change that we could make with technology that would make it more likely for people to find love,” explains Wendy Newman, a relationship advisor and author of the book “121 First Dates.” “To be successful you have to 1) Know who you are, 2) Know what you’re looking for, 3) Make sure your ‘Unicorn List of Must Haves’ don’t have conflicting attributes on it.”
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Sumner also points out that “even in the case of websites that claim to screen for compatibility…the website can’t do the work of forming a relationship for you. Relationships take effort, and you have to be willing to put in that effort, regardless of whether you meet offline or online.”
As harsh as it sounds, then, failing to find true love on Tinder might not be the app’s fault. You may need to take a look at yourself – your confidence, your requirements and your typical role in a relationship – too.
After all, you’re a strong, independent woman. You shouldn’t be waiting for Prince Charming to swipe you back. You should be embracing life to the fullest and following your passions. And if you find your true love while kicking butt at a work conference, hanging out at your favorite bar or learning how to hang glide? That’s just a bonus.
