Your Working Mom Guilt Guide

As a woman, if you choose not to have kids, then you’re called “selfish.” But, if you do have kids and keep your job, then you’re still “selfish.” Society is constantly instilling women with a host of guilt, judgments, and anxiety. Therefore, you don’t need to add to it.

Did you know that over half of the women in the United States are working moms? According to the United States Department of Labor, 70 percent of women with children under 18 participate in the labor force. Thousands of other women are working to make a living, to pursue their career, and still love their children. For those of you trying to make it work, here are some tips to ease the guilt trying to fester in your mind:

1 Your family will be okay
If you’ve really thought about your decision to go back to work and have decided that it’s truly the right choice for you and your family, then you’re just going to have to keep reminding yourself that. Stop apologizing for seeking satisfaction in your life. By being an active contributor to your household, your family and your self will be better off for it. According to Fast Company the “working mother’s apology” can be thought of as “an offshoot of the female apology.” Women are often taught to meet someone else’s expectation of their lives, but that’s not something you should feel as a mother. According to the article, a good tip to stop doing this is to “tally all the skills you’ve learned at work that makes you a great parent and vice versa.” By doing this, you’ll be able to remind yourself that what you’re doing is the right choice and is beneficial for all the people you care about.

2 Take your kids to work day.
First, think about how old your child is and whether or not it is appropriate to take them to work. Then, ask to see if your company would be okay with it. While some companies keep kids chaperoned with crayons and balloons, other companies allow children to shadow parents at work for a day. According to Inc magazine, “If you’re a woman, your son or daughter has probably never seen you out of mom mode. They probably don’t know you have another mode.” So, taking your kids to work is a good way for them to see you in your “work persona.” Not only that, but involving your child in this part of your life may even push you to keep going by reminding you one of the reasons you work so hard.

3 Stay away from negative people.
Don’t hang around people who are making you feel guilty about your choices because it will only feed any lingering doubt. According to Psychology Today, “the single biggest determinant of your happiness [is] how others, particularly those closest to you – friends, family, and colleagues – treat you.” When people are positive around you, then your emotions reflect that. So, in nip the guilt in the bud, also cut off ties with the people telling you that you’re a bad mother. You don’t need that kind of negativity when you’re too busy being a supermom.

4 Play hooky
Working Moms suggests taking a day off to spend with your children. When those pangs of guilt just get too unbearable to handle, then dedicate an entire day to spend with your kids. According to the website, this will allow you to “reconnect with your kid’s daily rhythms, appetite, and personality.” Similar to the way the body needs rest days, your mind also needs to be put at ease. There’s nothing wrong with disrupting the daily routine to rest, relax, and show extra love to your kids. And, if you can’t take a vacation day, then Working Moms suggests picking up your kids early for a few extra hours of playtime or even declaring one weekend an “errand-free” day to fully bond with your children.

Working mothers are not bad mothers, nor are they irresponsible mothers. Working mothers are a fact of society, and it’s nothing to be ashamed about. When it comes to being a mother, it’s important to just accept all the changes you’ll have in your life. Your schedule will change, your lifestyle will change, and your emotions will change.

According to Forbes, a good way to deal with this is by “[accepting] trade-offs as inevitable.” Whenever you are trying to combine motherhood and career, you’re always going to have to compromise. Part of that compromise means having to spend less time with your children. But, in order to stop the guilt, you, as Forbes writes, will have to “[reconcile] those trade-offs by being crystal clear about why you are making them in the first place.” You love your kids, and working isn’t going to change that.