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Are you over shallow relationships? Here’s how to make college friendships that will last a lifetime.

College Friendships

Do you feel like you have plenty of “friends” but can’t really shake the feeling of being lonely? You know…you have the girls you can talk about classes with, eat lunch with, and go to frat parties with, but it doesn’t feel like you’ve found YOUR people?

College friendships get a lot of hype for being the girls that you’ll move to a new city with and talk about every detail of your life with over egg-white omelets and avo-toast à la Carrie Bradshaw’s squad (and that’s a whole lot of pressure!)

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It’s hard to admit, but I think we’ve all struggled in the friendship department at one time or another. The transition from high school friendships to college friendships can be especially difficult. You no longer have the security of your squad and you’ve literally forgotten how to make new friends. And it turns out, making friends as an adult is awkward. Don’t worry though, I’m going to show you four big principles to change this.

1.) Be Vulnerable

I cannot emphasize this one enough. People will not open up to you if you don’t with them. Relationships are reciprocal and require vulnerability on both ends. If you can talk openly about your problems and insecurities with someone, they will, in turn, do the same, and voilà—you’re bonding!

Best-selling author and Houston professor, Brene Brown, has spoken extensively on vulnerability being the key factor in connection. She goes in-depth in her best-selling book: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, as well as her highly-viewed TED Talk.

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2.) Don’t Talk Behind Someone’s Back

This may seem like a no-brainer, but hey sometimes our emotions get the better of us and you feel the need to vent. We’ve all done it. I’m not saying you have to curb your shit-talking indefinitely, but DO NOT talk badly about your friends.

Firstly, more times than not, it will get back to them and, no duh, they will be hurt and angry. Not exactly a great foundation for a “lasting” friendship. Secondly, we all get anxiety that people are talking about us behind our backs, so if you’re doing it to one person, chances are they are going to assume you’re doing the same about them. No one wants to be around this person, let alone trust or rely on them.

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3.) Be Authentic

“But pride is such a foolish mask.” — Paul Anka.

Most people can tell if someone is being fake from a mile away, but even more than that, you aren’t going to make deep friendships with the people you choose to be inauthentic with.

So what does this mean? Medium.com defines authenticity as “staying true to what you believe, not about your image— to be brave to express your genuine feelings and opinions.”

Look, I’m not saying you have to take any major stands here, but rather, just own yourself. Be honest about your likes, your dislikes, your quirks, and humor because it conveys that you are confident and comfortable with who you are. There’s nothing worse than being bored stiff by the people you’ve surrounded yourself by.

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4.) Have Empathy

Be genuinely happy for your friends’ successes and sad for their losses. Developing empathy is so important in successful friendships because, ultimately, people just want to be understood!

Greater Good Magazine defines empathy as “the ability to step into the shoes of another person, aiming to understand their feelings and perspectives, and to use that understanding to guide our actions.”

Not only is empathy an amazing tool for strengthening your friendships, but in practice, it also makes you more tolerant. Perhaps you will be less quick to burn a bridge or sever a tie if you can understand where your friend/potential friend is coming from when they display a certain behavior.

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I know how hard these things can be to do at times, but practice, practice, practice! These principles have seriously brought amazing women into my life, who I know will be my bridesmaids.

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