Entity discusses friends with benefits rules

We’ve all seen the movies — actually, that’s a lie, most of us avoid the movies, but we understand the plot.

Boy meets girl, boy and girl attempt meaningless sex, boy and girl fail and fall in love. Mazel tov.

As fun as these agreements seem, there is no unanimous decision on how these things work. What does it mean to be friends with benefits? Is kissing permitted under this agreement?

What do friends with benefits even do? Do these agreements even end up mutual, or is someone always left with their hearts under a tow truck?

Entity discusses friends with benefits rules

Image via Giphy

Well, for the last question, if you are the latter, it can be difficult to rein in these natural emotions. However, a simple set of rules can help you keep your sanity in check.

So without further ado, here are five friends with benefits rules to live by when falling for your beneficiary (brought to you by awkward stock photos).

1 When you see your FWB dating another person, eat carbs on the floor until you achieve a pizza-induced coma.

Entity discusses friends with benefits rules

Young woman applies the first of five friends with benefits rules. Image via Shutterstock

Emotions are hard, and that’s what pizza is there for. Bury all of the pain you feel under layers and layers of stuffed crust deliciousness, and you won’t feel a thing.

2 If you’re angry because FWB doesn’t care about you, chop melons with your bare hands until you pass out from exhaustion.

Entity discusses friends with benefits rules

Young woman applies the second of five friends with benefits rules. Image via Shutterstock

With all of the intimate moments you engage in, sometimes it’s difficult to believe that your FWB won’t even drive you to the airport or pick up some groceries on the way to your apartment.

Playing “Fruit Ninja” by yourself not only releases negative energy, but now you don’t need that chopping knife from the grocery store. Problem solved!

3 When your face gets hot from raw rage, rub a cool leaf of lettuce on your… face… ?

Entity discusses friends with benefits rules

Young woman applies the third of five friends with benefits rules. Image via Shutterstock

Your FWB just took a girl out on a nice dinner date by the park, and the pictures looked like something out of a Kay commercial. Not that you looked… your computer was open on his Instagram, and you just happened to peruse them upwards of four hours. But it’s fine, you’re fine.

4 If you need to elicit sympathy from your FWB, hire an an actor to rob you and livestream the event.

Entity discusses friends with benefits rules

Young woman applies the fourth of five friends with benefits rules. Image via Shutterstock

You can’t just waltz up to your FWB and explain how much you’re hurting… that would be way too much emotional vulnerability, which violates every subsection of the FWB contract you guys signed (it was on a Post-It, but it counts).

A mock-rob will provide you with all of your sympathetic needs. Plus, the actor can add experimental theatre to their resume!

5 Read an encyclopedia in the middle of a park, because living dangerously is a totally viable coping mechanism.

Entity discusses friends with benefits rules

Young woman uses the fifth of five friends with benefits rules. Image via Shutterstock

At this point you really don’t know what you’re doing. You just kind of ended up in a park with a big book, and now you know the definition of “demiurgic” by heart. This probably means you drank too much, or that you were evicted from your apartment. Either way, try to make it home as soon as you can — this rule is really a last resort.

So being “friends with benefits” does not always lead you down this harrowing road. In some circumstances, the agreement is mutual, and the friends with benefits rules keep all emotions at bay.

However, if you do end up like these painfully unstable women pictured above, please end the agreement as soon as possible. FWB relationships are not for everyone.

Edited by Kayla Caldwell

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