Sex & Life
Sex & Life July 6, 2017
God bless stock photos of women eating salad.
We’ve all seen the movies — actually, that’s a lie, most of us avoid the movies, but we understand the plot.
Boy meets girl, boy and girl attempt meaningless sex, boy and girl fail and fall in love. Mazel tov.
As fun as these agreements seem, there is no unanimous decision on how these things work. What does it mean to be friends with benefits? Is kissing permitted under this agreement?
What do friends with benefits even do? Do these agreements even end up mutual, or is someone always left with their hearts under a tow truck?
Well, for the last question, if you are the latter, it can be difficult to rein in these natural emotions. However, a simple set of rules can help you keep your sanity in check.
So without further ado, here are five friends with benefits rules to live by when falling for your beneficiary (brought to you by awkward stock photos).
Emotions are hard, and that’s what pizza is there for. Bury all of the pain you feel under layers and layers of stuffed crust deliciousness, and you won’t feel a thing.
With all of the intimate moments you engage in, sometimes it’s difficult to believe that your FWB won’t even drive you to the airport or pick up some groceries on the way to your apartment.
Playing “Fruit Ninja” by yourself not only releases negative energy, but now you don’t need that chopping knife from the grocery store. Problem solved!
Your FWB just took a girl out on a nice dinner date by the park, and the pictures looked like something out of a Kay commercial. Not that you looked… your computer was open on his Instagram, and you just happened to peruse them upwards of four hours. But it’s fine, you’re fine.
You can’t just waltz up to your FWB and explain how much you’re hurting… that would be way too much emotional vulnerability, which violates every subsection of the FWB contract you guys signed (it was on a Post-It, but it counts).
A mock-rob will provide you with all of your sympathetic needs. Plus, the actor can add experimental theatre to their resume!
At this point you really don’t know what you’re doing. You just kind of ended up in a park with a big book, and now you know the definition of “demiurgic” by heart. This probably means you drank too much, or that you were evicted from your apartment. Either way, try to make it home as soon as you can — this rule is really a last resort.
So being “friends with benefits” does not always lead you down this harrowing road. In some circumstances, the agreement is mutual, and the friends with benefits rules keep all emotions at bay.
However, if you do end up like these painfully unstable women pictured above, please end the agreement as soon as possible. FWB relationships are not for everyone.
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