Relationships June 22, 2017
You've gotta make sure to get some groove into that speech.
At the ripe old age of 22, I have not had the pleasure of being a maid of honor.
The last time I was a bridesmaid I was ten and the whole wedding party was children. I honestly don’t think anyone would ask me, mainly because most of my female friends have sisters.
So there’s a chance that I’ll never have the momentous opportunity to embarrass and uplift one of my best friends in front of her closest friends and family with a funny maid of honor speech.
I’ll wait for that day with open arms. Until then, I’ll have to live vicariously through these seven maid of honor speeches that definitely went above and beyond.
As maid of honor, Jennifer Gabrielli surprised her sister and new husband, Cole and Blake with an ode to them… and Eminem. Her rap skills were on point, and all of the rhymes actually made sense.
The wedding party clearly got a kick out of it. Points deducted for the assistant that didn’t have the hoodie ready. Extra points for the choice of sparkly converse. (I’m going to go closet-diving for my pair when I get home.)
Notable quote: “Now this looks like it’s meant to be so everybody just toast with me. Raise your glasses if you’re thirsty. ‘Cause tonight we’re here to p-partee!”
Susie and Luke had double trouble at their wedding when Susie’s sisters Naomi and Sarah served as maids of honor. The duo proceed to treat their sister and new brother-in-law to a speech in form of a medley of great Disney songs.
They sang personalized songs to the tune of hits from “Beauty and the Beast,” “Mulan,” “The Lion King,” and last but not least, “Aladdin.” Apparently Susie sings as well and with three sisters as talented as that, I suggest a roadshow. Extra points for the cupcake-tiered cake.
Notable quote: “Who’s this man? With all the strength of a protein shake.”
The second sister duo on our list. These ladies may not have the voices of angels, but they’ve got the dance moves down. This maid of honor speech is a mash-up of personalized pop songs.
They cover the Backstreet Boys’ “Everybody,” Michael Jackson’s “Black or White,” and many others. Extra points for the scenery and the dresses. Extra points for the darker-haired sister’s intense singing face.
Notable quote: “Caitlin Hellerman (Yeah) Got a boyfriend. (Yeah) He’s republican. (Yeah) He leans to the right. To Caitlin’s. DE-light!”
As DJ Khaled would say “another one” of these awesome sister duos. After Tracy, the bride, made a slight dig at her twin Michelle’s singing voice, Michelle waited for her revenge.
Michelle’s maid of honor speech, shared with little sister Kristen, was a song to the tune of T-Swift’s “Love Story.” This was just super sweet and to the point. Michelle and Kristen welcomed their brother-in-law to the family.
Notable quote: “It was my turn to go but you pushed right past little me. That’s why I was Baby B.”
Chelsea, the maid of honor, and Kevin change it up for us as a brother and sister duo. Inspired by “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon,” they brought in reinforcements, primarily: a saxophone. If you want to charm a crowd, slow-jam them.
And Chelsea and Kevin were super-dedicated to their slow-jam. They even gave their niece (Alicia and Paul, the newlywed couple’s daughter) a shoutout. Extra points to this pair for the coordination with lighting, saxophone and DJ.
Notable quote: “Let me skip ahead a couple of years. Alicia and Paul were living their lives all young, happy and free. When all of sudden Alicia fell ill, with a case of pregnancy.”
Sister and maid of honor Rachel tore it up with a wedding rendition of “Ice, Ice Baby” for her speech. She stunned the crowd with her skills after Hayley married Paul. This version had plenty of interesting and fun bits about Paul and Hayley, plus a great chorus.
The fun in the family definitely shined through all of the reactions of the crowd. By the end everyone is on their feet for the toast and the newlyweds clearly enjoyed the tribute. Extra points for having beer bottles everywhere.
Notable quote: “To the extreme H is hot like a candle. Paul’s laid back so it’s easy to handle.”
The Matron of Honor, and again the bride’s sister, tells Didi’s entire life story through song. This speech has parodies of everything, “Fresh Prince,” country music, Taylor Swift, dirty south rap, “Sweet Home Alabama” and “Happy.”
She brought in reinforcements in the form of adorable flower-girl, Reagan. Extra points for expert use of props. The sunglasses were one thing but when the grillz come out it elevates the performance to the next level.
Notable quote: “Marriage is real fun I can tell you that. You gotta work real hard no holdin’ back. Do things to show your love and you’ll be just fine. No need to fight. Don’t waste your time.”
Whew. I feel like I’ve been to seven weddings without the anxiety over bringing a plus one. Please note that all seven of the speeches above were given by sisters, proof that my chances at this are slim to none.
For anyone looking for prospective speech givers, I can do this for you. All I charge is one open bar.
