Relationships March 13, 2017
Growing up in a southern, Christian household, my mom would often joke, “You go to college to get two degrees: your BS and your MRS.” And although we laughed, there was an edge of truth to what she said—which was typically followed by, “Because you need somebody that can support you.”
As outdated as this “woman needs a man” mantra might seem, it, well, actually isn’t. One 2014 survey found that 46 percent of Americans still think society is better off if marriage and children are a priority, and a 2013 Facebook survey reported that around 28 percent of married graduates attended the same college as their spouse.
Yet, the more college friends I’ve talked to, the more I’ve realized that I’m not the only millennial taking relationships slow. In fact, the US Census report seems to suggest that, for the new generation, getting married young isn’t on their to-do list.
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Whether you blame growing higher education rates and career goals for women or the trend of “finding yourself” before walking down the aisle, the truth is this: the old model of relationships is becoming obsolete. How is modern love different from its past versions? Keep reading for six women’s takes on serious relationships today, finding “the one” in college and more!
“I am 21 years old. Never had a relationship, nor am I looking for one. I come from a pretty strict background and wasn’t allowed to date, have a boyfriend, go to prom or go to high school parties. They seemed like these quintessentially American girl things that I wasn’t allowed to partake in. I couldn’t always relate to boy problems that my girlfriends had, but that still didn’t motivate me to pursue any relationship.
I’m young, I want my 20s to be free, independent and fun. I want to have a life away from parents and strict Indian-girl rules.
I know gender and cultural expectations will eventually pressure me to ‘start the search’ for the right husband/ boyfriend to settle down with, but I think that’s best pursued when I feel mentally ready. There is absolutely no need to force commitment to something or someone I have no interest in.”
-Sutheshna, 21
Maybe in the ’50s, earning an MRS degree was a main priority. Today, though, women are juggling friends, college classes and/or a career – plus plenty of adventures along the way. The typically busy schedule people follow today might be why 52 percent of singles claim they’re too busy to find love. Katharine understands this reasoning far too well.
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“I’m 19, and I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now. I think at the beginning of my freshman year of college, I was looking for a relationship. However, I quickly realized that I didn’t have the ability to commit to something like that. I was so overwhelmed with my schoolwork and social life and commitments that I resigned from the idea of having a relationship pretty early on in the year.”
-Katharine, 19
“I’ve been in a serious relationship for a while now, and it kind of happened without me ever really looking for a relationship.”
-Justine, 22
“You reach a point with yourself where you know what you want and what you deserve, whether that’s consciously acknowledged or not. The right person somehow makes their way into your life afterwards when you least expect it. They push you to be the best person you can be, regardless of the circumstances in your life. It is not an obligation or a hassle to be with them; they make life more bearable.
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I don’t doubt my boyfriend or our relationship one bit, and he is frankly the best relationship that will ever exist in my life. I don’t need validation from other people to know he’s the one for me. We are both fiercely independent, but support one another. He’s my partner-in-crime and best friend. I love him, and I don’t need or want anything or anyone else because what I have with him will always be more than good enough. He’s home.”
-Arielle, 21
As crazy as it sounds, research has found that Netflix can help bring your fling to the next level, with 27 percent of singletons reporting that show compatibility is an important part of a relationship and 58 percent of couples claiming they bond over Netflix. However, the “Netflix and chill” hookup mentality isn’t as helpful, according to Jwana.
“I think that serious relationships are hard to come by in our generation because people get stuck in the ‘talking’ stage. Also, people don’t really date anymore; they’re more interested in ‘Netflix and chill.’”
-Jwana, 19
“I’m not looking for a serious relationship. I feel like I have to explore the world and myself before I have time or the capability of sharing my life with anyone. Besides, I only want the crème de la crème when it comes to a boyfriend—he’s got to make me laugh, and to be honest, there aren’t that many funny guys out there. So unless something great comes along, I’m not going to settle.
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My parents, on the other hand, have made some comments about my singleness. I recently bought a car and called it Adam (named after my hometown Amsterdam) and my dad responded, ‘Ahh so at least you got a sort of boyfriend.’ He meant well, but it kind of annoyed me [because it implied] I needed one [a boyfriend]. I’ve never looked for a serious relationship—if you’re looking for it, you might end up with the wrong person!”
-Corinne, 23
Whether you have never had a significant other, have experimented with several “Netflix and Chill” flings but nothing more, or have found a happy relationship you think could last long-term, it’s clear that relationships – and love – are changing with the times. Sure, we might be getting married later and even putting marriage lower on our priority list.
However, that isn’t to say that women today still don’t want – or don’t find – love. We’re just deciding to do it on our terms and at our own pace. And, really – what’s a better way to find “true love” than starting with the best love of all: self love?
