Relationships June 22, 2017
Feeling like today's dating culture doesn't describe you? You may be panromantic demisexual.
Photo via Instagram / @a.s.t.r.i_dAre you the type of person who sees no gender when falling in love?
For you, it doesn’t matter whether your potential partner is straight, bi, gay, trans or whatever else they may identify as. Then you have just fulfilled the first qualification to being labeled panromantic demisexual.
The other aspect of this new term?
It describes a person who has to develop a strong friendship with their romantic interest. It is only then that they can become sexually attracted to them.
We took to Reddit to get some firsthand accounts of what it means to be panromantic demisexual. Read on to gain better understanding of the term.
“I have been looking into this asexuality stuff for a while and always felt like I could relate, but not really like I was asexual. Reading about demisexuality and gray-As today, I realized that’s me! The problem is I associate with so many of the asexual and demisexual challenges,” blitzkrieg_betty said.
“I feel that I can’t relate to a lot of other people because we live in such a hyper-sexed society. I definitely feel that ‘friend-zone’ thing a lot just because I am not immediately sexually attracted to someone, and by the time I am, we are strictly platonic.” -blitzkrieg_betty
“Learning the word “squish” was also amazing, because I talk about having “friend crushes” on people all the time, like I just really want to be their friend, and people tell me it’s weird.”
“I finally feel like there is a group I can relate to regarding sexuality and romance, but I am worried it will keep me from finding someone for me. I don’t really date or have sex, but would like to with the right person.
It’s just so hard to explain that I would rather be alone 95% of the time and wait for someone I connect with than have a meaningless relationship and sex with a person I kind of get along with.”
“I am a hopeless romantic, but I am also slow and cautious about it, and being a Gray-A makes it even more difficult to find a mate.
I often experience secondary sexual desire and would like a non-asexual partner for this reason, but how am I supposed to relate to a non-asexual if I can’t even tell I’m attracted to them until I’ve been friend-zoned? I feel doomed.”
“Well, first, welcome to /r/asexuality! Nobody here will think you or your desires are weird. In my opinion, the fact that you found that out about yourself is already a first step towards solving the anxiety you mentioned.
Now that you know you’re a demi, you’ll be able to make that known to anyone whom you see as a prospective sexual partner,” said Reddit user lalalalalalala71.”
“Once you’ve communicated about that, I think of three possibilities. That person will be one of demi, ace or sexual. Also, either they will be open to the idea of having sex with you or they won’t.
If they aren’t open, well, that’s rejection and happens to us sexuals, too. It’s something people have to learn to deal with.
If they are demi and open to eventually having sex with you, that’s probably the best outcome from your point of view. They might also be ace but still open, and they would likely feel less pressured by the relationship than if they were dating a sexual (or anyone who wasn’t clear about their own sexuality, for that matter).”
Of course you can.
All it takes is a little research to find what you most identify with.
You may be panromantic asexual, panromantic pansexual, panromantic greysexual or something else entirely.
You can see a list of romantic and sexual orientation terms here.
No matter who you love and are, or are not, sexually attracted to, we wish you a happy self-discovery process.
