Relationships May 10, 2017
If you prefer brains over brawn or beauty, you’re probably a sapiosexual.
But before you start imagining a sexy librarian, that’s not what this is. From bisexual to demisexual, it seems like there are a number of terms to describe one’s sexuality. Sometimes there may be too many to keep up with.
Thankfully, ENTITY’s here to catch you up on some of the terms – starting with sapiosexual. Here is everything we know about this sexuality.
A sapiosexual is a person who views intelligence as the biggest form of arousal in a partner.
It’s about enjoying someone’s intuition and inquisitiveness. A sapiosexual’s idea of foreplay may mean having a stimulating debate or watching your partner discuss something he or she is passionately interested in.
Got it? Good.
Sapiosexual entered the mainstream online dating scene in 2014 when OkCupid expanded their sexual orientation terms. Its 4 million or so users were no longer limited to identifying as gay, straight or bisexual. They now had options like androgynous, asexual, genderqueer, questioning and sapiosexual. And apparently, sapiosexual became one of its most popular terms.
It slowly became “trendy” after that, but the term itself actually dates further back than 2014.
According to Sapiosexual.com, LiveJournal writer Wolfieboy coined the term in 1998. “I don’t care too much about the plumbing. I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind,” Wolfieboy explained in a 2002 post. “I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay. I want someone who sometimes makes me go ouch due to their wit and evil sense of humor.”
But as harmless – or perhaps even admirable – these desires seem, there have been some problems with the rise of the term.
When sapiosexuality started becoming trendy, it became more about narrowing the scope of your love life by dismissing people you thought were too stupid to date.
At best, it’s considered pretentious. At worst, it’s considered discriminatory.
This “new version” of sapiosexuality was largely driven by Loner Wolf’s viral sapiosexual test. According to this test, here are some of the things you’d agree with if you were sapiosexual:
Similar quizzes also had similar statements. In a BuzzFeed Quiz called “Are You Actually a Sapiosexual?” one of the questions asked whether users were “repulsed by the idea of having sex with someone who had never gone to college or had no interest in higher education.”
With these statements, sapiosexuality has become a way to normalize discrimination towards people who may not have the same privileges as you. And if that’s the case, then, as Steven Blum from Vice puts it, “You’re not attracted to intelligence, you’re repulsed by disability.”
Being sapiosexual should be used as a form of encouragement to look beyond a person’s physical aspects, not a reason to discriminate against those who don’t meet your requirements.
Besides, there’s nothing wrong with loving a strong mind.
“The great thing about this, as we know, is that looks fade, but a strong mind is lasting,” psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinez told Ask Men. “If two people are intellectual equals, their longevity is much more likely, and their interest in each other more likely to remain strong.”
However, just be careful that you don’t fall into the trap of creating an unhealthy dynamic of deciding who is “better than” or “worse than” the other.
