Relationships June 20, 2018
Sometimes the most obvious advice is the most difficult to follow.
Here’s a thought: measuring self-worth based on others’ accomplishments? Cancel that. Why? You can’t love yourself when you’re too busy being focused on somebody else. First step, stop comparing.
You’re probably wondering how exactly to do that in practice. Fear not, skeptical reader. I’ve got you covered.
Abiding by the following tips will help you on your journey of self-love. Remind yourself of the following ideas will help you remember that you are the main person you should be concerned about. Without further ado, here’s how to stop comparing yourself to others and start loving who you are.
While this seems obvious, in practice it’s not. It’s easy to assume what your classmates, co-workers, friends or family are feeling. Almost alarmingly so. Because it’s so easy, there’s tendency to assume that everyone besides yourself has some crucial ambiguous Thing figured out that you, for some inexplicable reason, cannot grasp.
Chances are people are doing the whole “fake it til you make it thing” like 90 percent of the time. Life confronts you with too many unpredictable situations for you to be completely confident in knowing how to act. So don’t feel like you are the only person who feels like they have no idea what’s going on. I
What’s more is that everyone has unique life experience that gives them different degrees of knowledge. If someone else can navigate a challenge better than you can, maybe they’ve done it before. Consider that they were once the one who was lost and confused, marveling at a confident and collected adult. The fact is until you sit down and talk to someone multiple times over, you usually do not know much about them and their life experience.
If your goals are based on doing better than person XYZ, abort. Seriously.
Think about all the work that can go into achieving a goal. If what your trying to achieve is based on a standard somebody else set, what are you really working for? Or rather, who are really working for?
Setting and working toward goals solely based on your own passions usually means you are working off a source of intrinsic motivation. In other words, you are motivated by your desire to learn or actualize your potential, rather than any external reward. While external rewards can be satisfying (like besting a co-worker who you’re really not a fan of), they might not be as fulfilling.
Pursuing goals that you are intrinsically motivated by usually leads to a heightened sense of internal satisfaction. So if you want to pour your time and energy into self-fulfillment, set your own goals based on your own ambitions.
It’s hard to be self-confident. Forbes reported that many women, particularly younger women, suffer from imposter syndrome in the workplace. In other words, they feel like they don’t quite belong due to a lack of confidence.
So how do we combat this issue? Be unabashedly proud of your accomplishments. Recognizing that you’re capable and worthy of your position lessens the likelihood that you’ll feel inferior to every other person in the office or classroom. Remember that you earned your spot for a reason.
Competition can be a great motivating force for some people. But when other people are your only source of motivation, you might have a problem.
But if you thrive off competition, consider competing with yourself. That way, you get the same benefits of motivation via competition while still focusing on yourself. It’s also a great way for setting goals that align with your own capabilities.
Here’s a fact: you’re going to fail. A lot. So rather than treat those failures as a purely negative experience, make them productive. According to the Harvard Business Review, studies show that analyzing your successes and failures can help you learn at higher rates than if you were to focus on just one or the other.
So next time you fail, rather than look to your right and envy the person succeeding, take advantage of your opportunity to grow. I assure you it’ll be a better use of your time.
You know how you take approximately 500 pictures before you get the one you want to post? Yeah, so does like everybody else. Why? Because we all want to look like we are living our absolute best life all the damn time.
So when your Instagram feed is full of images of flawless people and moments remember that they are just that — images. Not reality. Spending hours upon hours on social media can give you a pretty skewed perception on how “perfect” someone’s life may be. You’re probably not too likely to air your dirty laundry for all your followers to see, so why would anyone else be?
Rarely do people take the time to stop in their day and recognize why they’re grateful. No matter how small, it’s important to count your blessings. Maybe you’re happy that you live close by your favorite coffee shop, or that no matter how long you go between chatting with your best friend (life gets busy, okay) you can always pick up right where you left off. These little daily reminders certainly help you realize why you appreciate being you rather than anyone else.
If your self-love is contingent on somebody else, then it isn’t really self-love. Stop focusing on others, and start working on loving who you are.
