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Entity discusses the pros and cons of gossip and how you can stop gossiping.

“The bigger they are, the less they tell.” – Joan Crawford

Gossip is not just one of those sticky, guilty pleasures. It is also an act attached to the essence of being female. Women? They gossip.

This branded “fact” seems to be invisibly tattooed over our mouths, not restricting our speech but letting it flow, flow, flow. It’s expected, it’s accepted and it happens every day. Women gossip.

Sure, it can be argued that gossip is sometimes beneficial – positive, even.  Psychology Today points out that sometimes gossip can function as a useful warning in social situations. Whether you’re telling a new coworker about the boss’s pet peeves or a new classmate what professors to avoid, gossiping in this sense can deter men and women from unpleasant interactions.

Gossiping even has the potential to bring people closer together. “In other contexts, gossip may not be so nefarious. It may simply be a way of signifying friendships with another,” says Psychology Today. Think of all the times you’ve discussed someone’s character, relationship status or job hunt – with whom were you engaged in conversation? It’s usually with friends or family.

Anthropologist Robin Dunbar compares this action to primate grooming behavior; it’s something we do with “another furry creature in our clan,” Psychology Today explains. We’re not gossiping with our enemies, but we may gossip about them. Thus, gossip signals camaraderie and the fact that the person with whom you gossip is your “confidante.”

But with the rise of reality television shows that are built upon the backstabbing gossip between different groups of friends, gossip has also become a primary form of entertainment. People aren’t necessarily doing it to form social bonds or to send out helpful warnings; they’re simply getting pleasure from gossiping. And when we experience this, we surely bring that into our homes and into our relationships, feeding off that same cheap spark.

“In this popular image of gossip, gossip is driven by self-serving motives and is ultimately harmful to the social fabric of the community,” says Psychology Today. In this case, gossiping, without a doubt, can tear people apart. And when we gossip about the ones we love, we risk losing them, disappointing them and lowering ourselves. As Allwomenstalk says, gossiping can isolate you because people feel like they can no longer trust you. Your mom, sister or partner may end up hesitating before sharing anything serious with you.

Spreading stories about how someone is addicted, abusive, unfaithful, criminal or aggressive is not only slanderous, it is hurtful most of the time. “Whether something is true or not, knowing that people are discussing it like it’s funny or interesting or any of their business is awful,” explains Allwomenstalk. “You feel embarrassed, humiliated and ashamed, even if you’ve done nothing to be ashamed of in the first place.”

With that said, the first step of breaking a bad habit is to recognize its true nature – gossip is detrimental. We also know that it feels good in some twisted sort of way. Knowing, admitting and understanding that, it’s time we added a notch of credibility and morality to our character.

So how do you stop the cycle of gossiping? A potential solution would be to do what your mother probably taught you in grade school: If you can’t tell the rumor to that person’s face, then don’t say it at all. It sounds like that corny, golden rule you learned in Kindergarten, but it’s effective.

And if you’re still guilty of gossiping after that, try getting a new hobby. Gossiping is essentially like a habit – and bad habits can be broken. That sounds simplified or sarcastic, but it’s not. When you’re busy and invested in something passionate, you don’t have time to gossip. You won’t want to gossip. Your time becomes way more precious than that.

Gossip is a choice. It is not an inherent skill or norm branded to women stuck with nothing else to think about. It’s a societal breeding and we have the choice whether or not we want to continue jumping on that train. We can lead with love or we leave with hate. Watch what happens when you lead with love.

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