You’ve been on three dates with a cutie, but they’ve been largely unsuccessful so far. You’re not one to give up on someone you like, but they seem to be courting you in the entirely wrong way. He brings you flowers each time you see him, but your disinterest for flowers just makes them seem like a waste. (Though you still accept them graciously, because who wouldn’t?) He keeps taking you to fancy dinners, but all you really want is a $4 burrito from your favorite Mexican food restaurant and a ride to the airport next week. Why doesn’t he understand?
The issue with many modern relationships is that partners are giving each other the love that they want to receive, rather than the love their partner wants. For a relationship to be successful, it’s immensely important to understand what kind of love you respond best to. How will they ever know how to please you if you don’t communicate with them what makes you happiest?
According to The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, we’ve been giving our partners the wrong kinds of love. He stresses the importance of giving a partner love according to what they desire the most. Feeling a little confused? So were we. Here’s a breakdown of the languages so you can figure out what kind of language best suits you.
Your desk is stacked to the brim with papers adorning gold stars. They’re nice, but they aren’t really what makes you happy. You’re elated when a boss voices, “Great job!” or your boyfriend simply tells you, “I appreciate you and love you dearly.”
You may be stressed out, with an errand list that goes out the door and around the block. You love your partner, who obviously adores and appreciates you, but you’re feeling lackluster in your relationship. They tell you they love you, and you appreciate that, but when they offer to take the kids to school and mow the lawn, you swoon. Was he always this dreamy? You’ll be sitting pretty on your porch, looking over your manicured lawn, with your amazing partner. They finally understand.
The Tiffany necklace he got you for your birthday was beautiful. You wear it every day, and he beams when he sees you in it, but it’s just a token to you. However, when he puts his arm around your shoulder and kisses the top of your head, you feel butterflies all over again. Ladies with “Eat, Sleep, Cuddle” posts littering their blogs, I’m talking to you.
He may shower you in compliments and buy you lunch on the daily, but all you’re really looking for is some quality time with him. That means no group outings and no phones. You just want to be present and in the moment with the person you love the most, and who wouldn’t!
Though you may have been written off as “shallow” for wanting to receive gifts from your partner, this is hardly the case. To show you love, the gifts mustn’t be expensive or lavish. They’re merely tokens of your partner’s appreciation. A cup of coffee from Starbucks or a nice lunch will satisfy you more than words of praise.
Hopefully you have a better understanding of your own love language from these explanations. Communicating your preferred language to your partner will benefit your relationships in the long run!
