Language is a powerful tool. It shapes societies and cultures so subtly that sometimes we don’t even see it working its persuasive magic. When it comes to men and women, the difference in gender equally translate to a difference in language. The most interesting part about gender and language is that, just like language, gender can also be defined as a social construct. In that sense, language has helped shape the perceptions of what it means to be a woman today. However, language plays a treacherous game with woman – sometimes rooting us on and sometimes pushing us down.
We all know the quote by Patrick Henry; “Give me liberty or give me death!” What would happen if a woman said that quote? It would probably go something like this;
“Well, you could give me liberty if you would like to…don’t worry if you can’t, it’s totally no big deal! Or if you can’t give me liberty and you want to give me death that works too. Sorry if none of these work…we can totally talk about other things too…”
In the spirit of that, here are 7 differences in language between the genders and how often times, women get hurt by language.
According to a study of semantics done by the University of Chicago, men interrupt women more than woman interrupt men. They claim this even though women are said to be more communicative over men.
Just a few examples: waiter, businessman, mailman, actor, and barber. Women could not also identify as a waiter or an actor so female spin-off words were created: waitress, businesswoman, mailwoman, actress and hair stylist. Separate words, separate connotations!
Women feel the need to continuously apologize when they express their opinions. Whether this is in a social group setting or in a board meeting, the use of “I am sorry” is a loaded phrase filled with the historical shaming of women. Example: “I am sorry, I was just thinking that maybe we should open another flagship store farther away from our original” versus a more male language, “We should open another flagship store farther away from our original.”
After the apology comes, “I was just thinking…and maybe this can work but if that isn’t good, don’t worry about it.” Women’s language screams inferiority and insecurities. Instead of asserting our opinion with confidence, we subconsciously apologize for having an opinion and assure our counterparts and peers that it is totally fine if our opinion is discredited. Men, on the other hand, assert their opinions and are unapologetic about it.
The media loves handling men and women differently. For example, on the red carpet or during an interview to promote a movie, the initial questions women get asked are what they are currently wearing, who styled them and how long it took to get ready. Men get asked about the process of making a movie, what it was like working with his costars, how he prepared for performance, etc. Because how women look is the media’s number one priority, women are conditioned to answer physical questions versus intellectual questions.
In 1990, Deborah Tannen published a book titled, You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. She claims that women’s language and speaking tendencies are geared more towards emotional connection and intimacy while men’s language is geared more towards status and independence. If women’s language is geared towards connecting with others while men’s language is geared towards forwarding themselves as individual, does that explain the success gap between men and women?
If a man tells someone to do something in the work force, it is considered authoritative, powerful and a trait of success. If a woman tells someone to do something in the work force, it is perceived as bossy.
Women’s language reflects our history of oppression, object markers and male pleasers. With these 7 differences in gender language, don’t you think it’s time to shake things up? Let’s use language that reflects autonomy, strength and intellect. Let’s use language that reflects confidence, not passivity.
