It’s the NBA playoffs and the Warriors are your team. You’re the girl who’s on the edge of her seat with a bag of Doritos in her lap, screaming at the TV. Steph Curry is your idol, and you can’t take your eyes off the screen. When Curry finally makes that impossible shot, you jump out of your chair and high five the person closest to you. When you look around the room, you notice something strange: you’re the only girl in the room. Your girlfriends from high school found something better to do, like getting a manicure or going to that new brunch spot. If this scenario sounds familiar to you, then chances are you’ve been called “one of the guys.” So what does it really mean to be “one of the guys,” and how should we as women respond?
The phrase “one of the guys” may appear to be somewhat congratulatory. She’s “one of the guys” brings up an image of a fun loving, beer drinking, pool playing girl surrounded by guys who share similar interests. This is the girl who gives high fives and is not afraid to talk about the chances of the Giants making it to the playoffs. You can almost hear the guy next to you say, “congrats on acting like a dude, you’re way cooler than the other girls I know.” But should women really take this as a compliment?
To be “one of the guys” is to demonstrate traditionally acceptable male behavior. But what if the roles were reversed? If a boy were called “one of the girls” how would he react? This is almost never a compliment. By contrast, a boy who enjoys activities that are generally reserved for girls does not get the same praise. A boy who engages in traditionally female dominated activities is considered effeminate. Such behavior threatens his masculinity, but why? And does being “one of the guys” threaten a woman’s femininity?
In both cases, the girl and the guy are acting outside their traditional gender roles. While the man may face more explicit backlash, the woman must deal with issues of her own. Being called “one of the guys” may appear to be congratulatory, but it comes with a price. By identifying with more masculine behaviors, these women risk losing their feminine side. The label can desexualize women and rob them of the traits that categorize them as powerful women.
By only allowing women to be a guy’s girl or a girly girl, we are limiting what it means to be a woman and reserving these powerful traits for men. We as women should work to redefine what it means to be a woman, so that instead of being “one of the guys,” we can be proud to be “one of the girls.”
