Ivanka Trump's new book is out of touch

Ivanka Trump is all over the news today in somewhat dueling, yet hilarious, but also terrifying roles.

First there’s her exclusive interview with the New York Times, which paints Ivanka as an opportunistic do-gooder with the ear of the President and perhaps humanity’s last hope. That is then contrasted with several excerpts from her book making the rounds on the internet — all  given out to various news outlets as “exclusives” — which paint the picture of a narcissistic, somewhat delusional, woman who is out of touch with the very women she’s trying to reach.

When you combine the two it becomes clear Ivanka is not a savior (even if she thinks of herself that way) and is actually a wolf in sheep’s clothing whose beige White House agenda — “gender issues” — was created in a marketing lab in order to make her more palatable to moms who shop at Macy’s. Her existence has nothing to do with helping women and everything to do with selling books, and more importantly, the Trump brand.

Need proof?  Here are 6 times Ivanka’s book and her New York Times interview prove she’s completely out of touch with reality.

1. Ivanka Is Still Unaware She’s a Robot Designed By a Marketing Team.

In an excerpt from Ivanka’s book she describes  making the very personal decision to share her life with the world. “I didn’t want the first photo of my daughter to be sold to the press, so I posted an image myself on one of my social media accounts; after that, I began posting photos of our family more frequently.”

She makes it seem like it was her choice to start posting more down-to-earth mommy photos with her kids, rather than glammed-up Trump shots.

However according to the Times it was all a ploy to rebrand Ivanka and make her more appealing to women. The Times reported that an internal document noted a major challenge to Ivanka’s brand was the fact that she was perceived as “rich and unrelatable” and most of her social media followers were men. Go figure.

The solution? Her team told her to post more down-to-earth photos. Less model, more mommy. So she did.

Ivanka Trump in a garden with her child.

So candid. Look how totally not posed this photo is.

2. Ivanka Loves a Good Humblebrag. 

In her book, Ivanka wrote about the difficult choice she made to show people the “real” her,  and the reaction it received on the internet. Brace yourself.

“I often heard things like, ‘It’s so inspiring that you’re such a hands-on mom and not intimidated to show that part of you,’ and ‘So amazing! You’re not wearing makeup. I’m used to seeing you on The Apprentice in a powerful boardroom setting,'” she wrote, in reference to her new mommy-inspired Instagram feed. As if showing these photos was a real #Struggle for her, but after some deep soul-searching she was more than comfortable hashtagging her life. So brave.

Oh and those photos just happened to portray her as an amazing mom, even without makeup! Incredible! Even her struggles are just people complimenting her.

She then added, “These comments emboldened me to share all aspects of my life—not just my more polished persona—more frequently.”

Yes, internet comments often improve our self-esteem, said no woman ever.

3. Even Her Baby Food Is Unrelatable.

When describing her hectic mom-life Ivanka said “I’m in my bathrobe at 7 a.m. and there’s pureed avocado all over me.” LOL, oh moms, amirite?

Listen, I love avocado. I eat it all the time. And according to parenting websites, it can be good for babies. But even living in Southern California, my avocado is like $2 to $3 a pop sometimes. It’s pricey, is what I’m saying. I feel like her marketing team probably made a suggestion like “You should swap avocado for banana because it’s more relatable” and Ivanka was like “What’s a banana? Is that poor people food?”

4. Ivanka Views Herself as a God, Literally Giving Life to Women Who Work.

In her book Ivanka writes, “Being true to who we are and what our lives look like proves that women who work are real.” Because prior to writing that line women who worked were just figments of our imagination? Honestly I don’t even know what this line means. In my notes I just wrote “WTF” and stand by that.

Ivanka Trump Living Room

If you live with a baby white clothes and beige carpet are a privilege. #ShowUsTheCleaningBill

5. Ivanka *Truly* Believes Being Famous, Rich and Powerful Is … Super Hard. 

In another section of humblebragging (there were so many I lost count) Ivanka described how tough if was for her to gain confidence as both a mother and working woman — but she got through it by pulling herself up by the bootstraps and saying “Gosh Darn-it, I am amazing.”  Actually this is what she said:

“Knowing my family is in the spotlight, I decided I was going to embrace it. If I can help celebrate the fact that I’m a super-engaged mom and unabashedly ambitious entrepreneur, that yes, I’m on a construction site in the morning and at the dinner table with my kids in the evening, I’m going to do that.”

Did you catch all those humblebrags? Of course you did, they’re everywhere.

6. In Ivanka’s World, “Survival Mode” Means No Massages and No Meditation. 

Perhaps the most egregious of Ivanka’s “tough life” narrative was when she talked about her father’s presidential campaign and the toll it took on her.

“During extremely high-capacity times, like during the campaign, I went into survival mode … Honestly, I wasn’t treating myself to a massage or making much time for self-care. I wish I could have awoken early to meditate for twenty minutes and I would have loved to catch up with the friends I hadn’t seen in three months,” Ivanka wrote.

Yes, no dinner parties. No spa day. No meditation. Just pure survival mode.

*wipes single tear*

She’s so brave. The bravest of all of us.

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