4 Important Mantras to Make Finding Balance as a Mother Less Stressful

When you have children, your life suddenly shifts to revolve around them – their needs, their desires, their happiness. Many mothers may have spent years – or even decades – focused on their careers when they became mothers. These women all ask one question: Is it possible to find a balance between working and being a mom?

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 49 percent of mothers were stay-at-home moms in 1967. At this time, women were encouraged to stay at home to be “good moms.” In the 21^st century, however, Pew Social Trends reports that the amount of stay-at-home moms declined to 29 percent in 2012. Today, the United States Department of Labor says 70 percent of women with children under 18 are in the labor force. This means that more and more women are proving that it is possible to find this balance.

For those mothers joining that 70 percent in the workforce, here are four mantras to keep you going.

1 You are a good mother; you love your children.

Constantly repeating these words to yourself may just be the reminder you need to keep going. It’s terrifying and heartbreaking to to be away from children, especially if they’re still too young to fully understand. However, working towards your career makes you anything but a bad mother. In fact, doing this will show your children in the long run the importance of pursuing their dreams.

According to Real Simple, it’s important to “ignore the latest parental fear-mongering literature.” Instead of filling your mind with discouraging words, Real Simple tells you to “stick to the classics that remind [you], with great what, what [you] like about this business of being an adult with a complex life.” Surround yourself with people who understand that life is complicated, that adulthood is a juggling act and that you are not a bad mother for wanting to work.

2 You are both a mother and a worker.

Don’t force yourself to choose. For years, society has instilled in women that there is a choice to be made; it tells you that you are either one or the other, but never both. However, as Real Simple warns, “Stop thinking of yourself as split into separate [roles].” Instead, think of your roles as a mother, a worker and an individual as equal. You do not have to be just a mother or just a worker. You can be both and do both jobs equally well.

3 You don’t have to do everything.

This is an important mantra that Working Moms Against Guilt promotes. Although it’s possible to be supermom, it’s not an obligation for you to always take the kids to every practice, to always feed them a home-cooked meal or to always come home early. As the website says, “Moms: you don’t have to do everything…Ordering in pizza is not going to brand you as the Terrible Mom.” Balance is about prioritizing and figuring out  which task is most important at the time. If you don’t have the energy, it’s okay to pick your well-being over getting burnt out. Really, it’s about understanding that you don’t have to do everything as a mom or everything as a worker.

4 There is nothing to be guilty about; you’re doing the best you can.

Walking around feeling guilty for everything you don’t do is only going to prevent you from being good at your job or good as a mom. Constantly carrying around guilt is distracting and debilitating. You can’t always take a sick day to take care of sick children. You can’t always leave work early to go to a parent meeting. Being a mother may mean you can’t always get that promotion. Not feeling guilty goes hand in hand with understanding that you don’t have to do everything.

Mothers everywhere would agree that balancing motherhood and working is probably one of the hardest things you’ll have to do. Because parenting doesn’t come with a set of rules or guidelines, you often have to figure things out with trial and error. As you do this, however, always remember that trying to do both says nothing about your character, your endless love for your family and your ability to succeed. Continue doing your best. Your best is good enough.