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Accomplish January 9, 2019
Conversations for those who hate conversations.
Networking kind of sucks. At times, it seems like all small talk and superficial connections. Isn’t that exactly what movies about elitist societies warn us against?
But it doesn’t always have to be horrible! Practice makes perfect, and sometimes you meet someone that you genuinely connect with. But if you’re a little socially awkward, this may seem easier said than done. If so, ENTITY has a few network conversation tips for you.
The best way to get someone to talk is to ask questions. A person’s favorite topic is usually themselves, so if you get them started, the conversation can grow into a connection. If you’d like to ditch the obligatory “So what do you do?” work question, even better.
Ask them something that genuinely interests you. If you like their jacket, where did they get it? They seem to really like that one performer; have they heard of them before? And if you can’t think of anything interesting to ask, start with the basic “How did you find out about this event?”
I always like to add in an opinion so they can build from it and continue the conversation. Asking constant back-and-forth questions can feel like an interrogation after a while, so try to get them to tell a story.
A really, really, really great way to do this is to ask them about their kids. As long as they actually have kids, it works every time.
The conversations that leave me feeling the most validated are ones where I get to teach a person something they hadn’t known before. I always feel like I got someone to finally take an interest.
If you’re young, you have both a slight advantage and disadvantage in this area. On one hand, it’s hard to get someone of higher seniority to care about what you have to say. On the other hand, you know more about technology and social media trends than they ever will. If I don’t know anything else to talk about, I always end up reverting to what’s most natural: the things my generation is currently interested in.
Recently, I had three conversations that stood out to me. In two of them, I got someone’s attention by describing memes, jokes and millennial perspectives that relate to their field. Try it out with a few adults, then cultivate the topics that seem to gain the most interest. Then keep it in the back of your mind as your go-to conversation starter if you get stuck.
I mentioned three conversations that I felt were successful. I can attribute two of them to my perspective on social media, technology and trends that appeal to younger generations. The last one I can attribute to my direct honesty.
At one event I attended, I was feeling particularly uncomfortable. I was probably the only person under age 30 (let alone under 20) in the room. Some adults were very kind and engaging, but I could tell I couldn’t offer them anything. At some point in the day, I started becoming more upfront. I walked up to adults, tried out conversations with them and left without feeling too bad about the encounter.
By the end of the event, I was being completely honest about my intentions. I talked about networking in general and the tips I learned as an eager, ambitious, starry-eyed professional. I even expressed how I was slightly uncomfortable at this event as a young job-seeker. One person responded well to my tone, but what really grabbed their attention was my information on “five-minute favors.” I recently learned that a man named Adam Rifkin, known to some as the world’s “top relationship builder,” uses the “five-minute favor” to stay connected to some of the must influential people in the world. By carving time out of your day to give to someone else without any ulterior motive, he argues, you can build a relationship that can benefit your professional and personal life in the future.
After using this to explain why I was offering favors to people in the room, the person suggested their own advice, gave me permission to contact them and continued to talk to me. So take a chance! Sometimes being truthful about your discomfort and goals can lead to genuine, validating conversations.
As mentioned previously, offering favors is the best way to establish a future relationship. But what can you offer?
Favors can be a hit-or-miss. Sometimes people are genuinely interested in what I can do for them, and sometimes I feel like the other person is only trying to humor me. But I always know that everyone needs work or connections. I’ve offered to run social media, do research, create graphic design templates and make introductions. Most people smile and nod before moving on to another point in the conversation, but a few people take me up on my word.
The people that take my favors are probably the best work relationships I have. So always try to offer something! Yes, it could be a miss. But if it’s a hit, it will be a huge leap forward for you.
And, of course, the best way to start networking conversations is to treat it as something more than networking. If you see the process as small talk and getting connections, it will obviously feel draining. But if you view the process as building relationships, keeping in touch with people and potentially creating something great, it could feel more important to you.
Try to have fun! Meet like-minded people who you actually like. If you genuinely want to get something out of the conversation, then it will be a far more enjoyable experience.
Now that you know these network conversation tips, all you have to do is practice. The more conversations you start, the easier it will be. Build those relationships and make something happen.
