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Culture June 22, 2017
Photo by Syda Productions via ShutterstockThe answer to the question, “What is a demisexual?” is far from simple, because there aren’t a lot of people who are aware of the term yet.
Many already know what it means when someone is bisexual or homosexual. And others are also aware of asexuality.
However, not many people have heard of demisexuality (or demiromantics), let alone had someone in the immediate vicinity to explain the orientation to them. Therefore, in the age of gender and sexual cognizance, it’s about time we spread this new understanding of what it means to be demiromantic.
According to the Demisexuality Research Center, demisexuality is defined as a sexual orientation, where someone must first have an emotional bond with another person before they have a sexual attraction to them. However, this doesn’t mean they have to fall in love with the person and it also doesn’t mean they are sexually attracted to everyone they care about.
We know this is confusing, so let’s break it down.
Demiromantics won’t become attracted to someone based off of aesthetic traits like a voice or an appearance. They must first learn about a person’s personality and get to know them. Therefore, they could have a sexual attraction to their friends or a person in their group for a school or work project. The only preliminary step is that they must really know them.
Due to this, sex doesn’t usually appeal to demisexuals at the rate that it does for other people.
That is not to say, however, that they aren’t as sexually active. The act of sex and feeling an attraction to someone sexually don’t mean the same thing. This experience is different for everyone, just as any sexual orientation depends on a person’s past experiences and their personality. Moreover, because sex appeals less to them, they place as a part of the asexual spectrum, shown below.
Four questions could indicate if you are demisexual or somewhere else on the sexuality spectrum. These questions are in no way applicable to every demisexual. They are just general questions that might point to the orientation as the cause.
Usually, Demisexuals feel obligated to have sex, because they believe their sexual appetite isn’t “normal.” Sexual attraction is either something you feel for someone or something you don’t. There isn’t much you can change in regard to how you feel about someone.
However, as we discussed, this feeling doesn’t come easy for demisexuals. Therefore, to avoid feeling like an outsider demisexuals feel the need to have sex even if there isn’t an attraction.
Demisexuals can be highly attracted to their friends because they have gotten to know their personalities enough for it to occur. Due to this, Demisexuals often make friends that turn into partner’s, rather than label someone as a prospective partner before hand.
The answer to the question above relates to why your sexual attraction to people can become confusing. You often find yourself attracted to friends or people you’ve already interacted heavily with. Usually, this means the other person has already passed the “prospective relationship” phase. This could lead to many complicated relationships.
Moreover, it could lead to becoming ostracized from groups of friends, because you only date people within the friend group. And in the event the relationship doesn’t work it, it could be awkward for everyone.
People who are demisexual are usually termed “boujee” or “picky,” because they don’t date often. Obviously, this is because they aren’t attracted to other people too often. However, instead of the general community recognizing this as a different sexual orientation, they immediately label people who deviate from the norm “picky.”
If you answer yes to most of these questions, you just might be demisexual. On the other hand, these questions are pretty general and could also lead to a different situation altogether. In order to read more about demiromantics and what it could mean, visit the Demisexual Wikipedia, our Entity Mag article, or the Demisexual Resource Center.
However, don’t stress yourself out over labels. Regardless of your sexuality, be yourself and never change or conform for anyone. If you are demisexual wave that demisexual flag (shown below) proudly! If you have another sexual orientation, do the same. Be happy, be you!
