Why Don’t I Always Think About Sex? Am I Demisexual?

Every human being has unique tastes and preferences when it comes to food, dogs and sports teams. So when it comes to something as complex as sexuality, you can imagine that the ways we define each type can be endless and changing.

We all fall in love differently, we have different interests in bed and we also have changing identities.

So, what is demisexuality? And how would you know if you fell in that category?

The truth is there is no sexuality test out there that could accurately determine exactly where you fall. You could be homosexual, pansexual, the biromantic … the list is endless.

Essentially, demisexuality means you don’t experience sexual attraction to someone until you have developed an intimate, emotional bond.

Some of the most common signs of demisexuality have been described and could be a starting point for you to find out what is best for you.

So if you need help figuring it out, keep reading.

1 You think about sex less often than your peers might.

As is the case with all labels we assign ourselves, there is always room for gray areas. Some demisexual people might think about sex more often than other demisexual people and that is completely normal.

But for demisexual people in general, seeing someone on a dance floor and immediately imagining and wanting to have sex with that stranger is not a common experience. (And it might not be for anyone who isn’t demisexual as well.) However, this is considered a widely common sentiment among demisexual people.

2 Having a crush on someone happens less often, and may feel very intense.

Another sign of being demisexual is that developing crushes and attractions to people takes a lot of time and intimacy. Now, you may be thinking this is the case for nearly everyone, but there is a difference.

Demisexual people often feel like there is something wrong with them, or that they are broken in some way, because they don’t experience attraction in the same way as their friends. Some, for example, may experience one crush every few years or so.

3 Friendships can be very confusing.

Taking longer to develop intimacy with others, demisexual people can sometimes find themselves attracted to close friends. Who else would be a better candidate to fall in love with than someone you have clearly established a close bond with?

But this means that sometimes your good friend – someone you have considered only a friend with boundaries – has suddenly become someone you are sexually attracted to. Again, this may sound like a sign for “everyone else,” but demisexuals understand this feeling deeply when they have it.

4 People call you picky or asexual.

This is a common experience for demisexuals. And there’s nothing wrong with either being picky or asexual, but for demisexuals, it’s not really as simple as that. (Demisexuality is on the asexual spectrum).

Demisexuals don’t choose to be this way or that way, it’s just the way they are. Just like everyone else.

5 You feel grossed out about sex.

Because it may take months or years to feel interested and sexually attracted to someone, it’s not uncommon if you’re demisexual to feel grossed out by the idea of sex in general. This is completely normal for demisexuals.

Still confused?

After reading these signs you may still be unsure about your sexuality and that’s fine. Despite what the mainstream may think about where your sexuality falls, there’s nothing wrong with it. No sexuality is better than the other.