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Entertainment May 16, 2017
Doesn't it come out in, like, a week anyway?
Hackers are demanding an “enormous amount of money” after stealing Disney’s upcoming “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.”
I’ve seen articles about it all over the internet. It keeps popping up on Twitter. But I just have to ask: Who cares?!
The movie is set to come out May 26 anyway. Why would Disney pay some exorbitant fee to stop it from coming out, like, 10 days early? And… it’s the FIFTH movie in the series. Like, does anyone even care at this point?
I can’t even imagine there’s much of a plot to spoil. Javier Bardem looks like he’s going to be the decomposing pirate villain. Johnny Depp will reprise his role as drunken mess of a pirate Jack Sparrow who is mostly comic relief and pitfalls but somehow comes out as a hero. And there will be jokes about rum.
Y’all are not getting paid. I mean, I don’t know if you just wanted to be a thorn in Disney’s side for a hot second or what, but if so, I guess good job? Otherwise, this feels like kind of a waste of time.
And it’s not even the first time. They’ve released episodes of the upcoming season of “Orange is the New Black” – which comes out next month – taunting Netflix and asking them for money as well.
Now I don’t even think I heard about that one. Maybe it’s because after the fucking brutal end of season four no one even cares about watching “OITNB” anymore. Or Netflix knows that we’re not about to cheat ourselves. Like, we pay for Netflix. That’s not like seeing a movie in a theater.
That shit’s already paid for. So if we steal a glimpse of that early, we’re not just cheating the company, are we? Meanwhile, when the show debuts… in one month… we can just stream ‘em all there anyway. Why watch stolen episodes now on some shady ass website?
That just sounds extra. And maybe I’m just not particularly interested in “Pirates” or “OITNB,” but I’m perfectly content just binging “The Office” for the millionth time and then when both debut properly I can see them in theaters/on Netflix if I so choose.
Sorry, hackers. Nobody cares.
