insatiable netflix debby ryan photo two

Netflix has brought us many hours of great television programming from shows like  “Orange Is the New Black”, “Glow”, “The Crown”, “Dear White People” and season one of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”. Their newest show, “Insatiable”, is nothing like those shows. It’s terrible. But so terrible that you should watch the first episode so you can comment on how terrible it is.

Sadly, I watched more than that.

Here are 20 things I learned from “Insatiable”, starring Debby Ryan (sorry Debby).

debby ryan insatiable

*WARNING: Spoilers ahead. Not that you should care.*

1. Being fat is totally your own fault because you probably sit on your couch and binge eat ice cream all day.

2. The only cure to your fat woes is by getting punched in the face, having your jaw wired shut and then getting skinny.

3. Once you’re skinny you suddenly have professionally styled hair and makeup all the time because, you know,  #notfat.

4. Just because a show is controversial doesn’t mean you should hate it, but when a show just sucks at storytelling you absolutely should.

5. “Insatiable” sucks at storytelling.

6. Women like to falsely accuse men of sexual assault to get their way or get revenge. Duh!

7. Just because you call a show satire doesn’t mean it is.

8. Women like to use their sexuality to deceive men because that’s clearly their only talent.

9. Bisexual is not a thing in real life.

10. Disordered eating is totally a great way to lose weight!

11. If you’re fat, then overcoming your “fatness” by any means necessary should be your only goal in life.

12. Oh, and taking revenge on those around you.

13. Everyone in this show is terrible.

14. Plot isn’t a thing you have to pay attention to when writing a tv show!

15. Women spend most of their time trying to take down other women.

16. Statutory rape is super funny when it happens to boys.

17. It’s possible for a “crazy” show to be incredibly boring.

18. Having 20 narrators is a great way to tell a story on TV. (it’s not. please don’t do this).

19. People from the south are either rich or trailer trash.

20. A poor man’s Ryan Murphy is not a television category you want to fall into.

Wow so many great lessons. I can’t wait for “Insatiable” season two … said no one ever.

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