Entity discusses keynote speaker Alyson Stoner

“Do you think about your failures or your accomplishments more often?”

That was the last question in Alyson Stoner’s series of intensely person questions.

“Lets take a bit of a mental break. Thank you for going there with me.”

The audience for Alyson Stoner’s talk at Entity’s 2018 Love Yourself Summit had just been asked upwards of fifty questions about their lives. However, at least in my case, this was not an arduous task. As is the appeal of many online quizzes and personal questionnaires, it is always a joy to learn about one’s self.

The only negative effect from the questions were the answers we didn’t want to resurface; but that was exactly the point.

Entity discusses keynote speaker Alyson Stoner

Image via Instagram/@simplyrootedok

Alyson then began to explain the purpose of the question exercise.

“We are a sum of a million parts. Momentary experiences, conversations with the people here, with strangers. We’re our genetics, (damn genetics). We’re hormonal, it’s our sleep patterns. The weather patterns, federal law, the rom-com that you’ve seen twenty times. The forces beyond your control.”

I was realizing how beneficial this exercise would be to an individual who blames everything on themselves. The temptation to say “I’m sorry” to avoid any conflict is so great that many women (not unlike myself) resort to it more often than they should.

“On top of all these parts is our perspective on these parts. The story that we create, the way the we relate to our reality. The more we see everything as an interconnected web, the less we’ll hopefully be surprised by ourselves.”

Then she really dropped the mic (figuratively) (it was on a mic stand):

“Instead of being overwhelmed by your current situation, you might be able to notice what’s happening a little faster each time and say, ‘Okay, I know this part of me.’ Same way that if you have a micro deficiency or tension, your body lets you know it’s time to change your diet or reduce stress.”

Entity discusses keynote speaker Alyson Stoner

Image via Instagram/@katiecottieryoga

Alyson then went into step two, or what she calls “keep, toss or transform.”

“What parts of you are worth keeping? What parts of you are worth throwing away or letting go, even though it might hurt?”

Although I was originally confused by what it meant to “transform” something from my past or present, she offered a helpful example from her own experience. She transformed her need to be perfect. She thought that perfectionism should stay in her hands, where she needed things to be accurate, but not in her head or heart where it controls what she believes about herself.

Step three entails looking at the finished product: you.

“To me, without going through steps one and two, without deconstruction and examination, the positive affirmations are more like Band-Aids. Now, along with steps one and two, you can feel empowered to evolve.”

So take it from Alyson Stoner; it’s worth it to do the homework. Mindfulness doesn’t have to be this corny conversation with yourself with pan flutes in the background. It can be as simple as silently answering a few questions about where you’ve come from, what has happened to you, and how that affects the way you react to your environment.

Long story short, don’t take blame where blame should not be taken. And knowing yourself more deeply is one of the best ways to do so.

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