The slow motion train wreck that is “The Bachelor” is back for another episode and again I’m watching it with a bunch of guys. Somehow I have drawn the attention of my brother, my boyfriend and two of his roommates away from a college football game to focus on Nick’s huge ears and his ongoing search for love.
As the women scream at the arrival of host Chris Harrison like teens at a Bieber concert, one of the boys says , “I want to be Chris Harrison when I grow up.”
Now that’s really shooting for the stars if you ask me. I ask, “Why would you ever want to do that” and he says, with a completely straight face, “Well I’m sure he gets the leftovers …”
I’m not sure that’s true but Chris was actually linked to a former contestant of the show. According to Perez Hilton, Harrison dated one back in 2013, and that has sparked tons of rumors since then. But guys, do not strive to be Chris Harrison. In my book, he’s barely better than Nick.
Speaking of our star, the self-absorbed Bachelor decides that a photo shoot is the best way for him to get to know the ladies on this first group date. He has them walk in while he is modeling in front of the camera … Like how does anyone find this guy to be genuine? I do not understand.
So of course they have to show the girls talking about how Nick is “so hot.” I am sure it is in their contract somewhere that they must make comments about Nick’s attractiveness every hour, otherwise I don’t see why they would lie to America like that.
After the wannabe model finishes posing uncomfortably, he tells the women that this photo shoot is going to be wedding themed, because that’s not incredibly psychotic for a first date or anything … RED FLAG CITY!
But the men I’m watching the show with are less interested in Nick but more fascinated with the girls, especially when Brittany goes topless and then Corinne reveals even more. I don’t see why it was so wrong for Corinne to strip the bikini top. The boob grab was a little much for my taste, but to each their own.
The boys certainly approve. “Corinne is truly a genius,” says one of the guys. “In Nick’s defense, it’s always nice to have a forward girl,” adds another.
After Corinne’s topless shenanigans, the other girls are pissed. If they spent the same amount of energy on Nick as they have judging Corinne, maybe they would have won. Life lessons thanks to “The Bachelor”!
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Then after all of that, Corinne gets the group date rose. Proving that Nick is actually slime with a pulse.
Liz, whose photo is in the dictionary next to “crazy eyes,” dominates the rest of the episode with her long drawn out tale of spending the night with Nick months earlier after they met at a wedding.
“Is Liz a psychopath or what? ” one of the guys watching with me muses. “I cant tell. Like, I think she’s really hot, still might be a psycho though!”
When Liz stands up and tells the story of her history with Nick, it’s so awkward they should just call this show “The Cringe” instead of “The Bachelor.” It’s painful, Nick’s not feeling it and watching this, we’re all like Christen.
In a move that we all saw coming, Nick ends up showing Liz the door before the night is over in a play that’s well overdue. Looks like Nick was able to grow a small pair after all!
Another highlight of the episode comes when one of my early favorites, Josephine, gives me all the feels when she smacks Nick in the face. Even though it’s just a joke for a fake break up scene, it’s still incredible. America thanks you, girl. You are doing God’s work.
The boys love that moment too and say they’ll be back for more with me next week. I can’t wait. Nick is still a brick wall of nothingness but the women are getting interesting …
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