Recent Posts
Mentorship June 27, 2018
You're not the only one.
Image by energepic.com from PexelsI have a tattoo on my left arm that says “Worrying Means You Suffer Twice.” While the statement is true (and permanent) I still can’t help worrying every now and then, or all the time in reality.
Work is a source of worry and stress for a lot of us. In fact, the American Insitute of Stress says work is “far and away the major source of stress for American adults.”
If you’re like me, you’re strong, beautiful, bright and put together…most of the time. You don’t want to be the person who cries at the office because things are stressful, yet sometimes you spot a couple tears.
You don’t want to be caught crying at work, but it’s totally okay if you are. Here are some ways to get through it.
It’s understandable to be afraid of what your boss or peers will think of your tears. Even writing this, I’m nervous that future employers will read it and be less inclined to hire me. We’ve been taught that crying is unprofessional and that emotions don’t have a spot in the workplace. Studies show that 41 percent of women have cried at work versus nine percent of men, adding even more anxiety for working women.
As a result, there’s a stigma surrounding the act.
Shelley Zalis, CEO of The Female Quotient, a female-owned business dedicated to advancing equality in the workplace, recently spoke to ENTITY Academy mentees and suggested that office rules need to change. One of the rules she suggested changing was the one that says, “The office is no place for emotion.”
Zalis suggested that people advocate for empathetic leadership as well as gender equality in high-level executive positions.
“My ‘aha moment,’ or as I like to say, my ‘heartbeat moment,’ was when I realized that I brought different qualities of leadership to the table. I was nurturing, empathetic, and passionate,” Zalis said in an interview with Inc. “These traditionally feminine strengths are what helped me be successful, allowing me to run my company like a family. I believe that emotion and passion belong in the boardroom.”
Workplace culture needs to shift to accept emotion. This will equate to companies that make better decisions and that listen to the needs of stakeholders.
You’re not hurting anyone by letting some tears flow. Many companies still see crying as a distraction, but it can also make others feel more connected to you and more willing to help.
Once you separate yourself from your tears, you can take the time to assess why you’re crying and communicate your concerns to your supervisor. This can benefit both of you since your boss understands your needs and you then feel more comfortable with them.
For example, say you get the news that a loved one died. Most people would understand the pain surrounding grief and allow your tears. Also if you’re stressed and start crying, there’s usually a good reason.
Do some self-care, whether it’s taking frequent breaks, rescheduling appointments, or just not overdoing it.
“If you’re experiencing hardship, try to mitigate as many factors as you can where you’ll be vulnerable. If you’ve just had a big breakup or personal crisis with family or friends, see if you can reschedule meetings or phone conferences. Consider taking personal time off for a couple hours or for the day, depending on the situation’s severity. You know your limits best,” workplace expert and author Lynn Taylor told HuffPost.
If you can’t do anything about the stress, try channeling it into something productive.
“Ask yourself these questions [about stress]: what good can come from this, and what can I do personally to make it better?” Aimee Westbrook, contract consultant at ENTITY advised academy mentees. Resilience is important in any career and pushing through is what makes us productive.
“Don’t let them see you sweat,” Westbrook added. “You can cry but they don’t have to see it.” Let yourself cry, appreciate all of the hard work you’re doing, and keep moving forward. Westbrook says we often get attached to the outcomes we’re expecting in life and she advises us to let that go.
A lot of change doesn’t happen without stress lighting the fire. Open your mind to the possibilities and engage the planning part of your brain to make yourself better, stronger and faster for your next project.
If things get hard, take some time to think about what you need from your company and from yourself. A little kindness towards yourself can make a huge difference not only in the workplace but also in life.
If you cry at work you are still strong, beautiful, bright and put together. Tell yourself that. Love, support and praise your own accomplishments daily.
