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Haters gonna hate. You know it, I know it, Taylor Swift even sings about it…but what can a girl do to deal with haters? In my mind, you have two options: you can accept the hate or use your natural super power of emotional intelligence. This may be the best way to deal with the Felicia who keeps making your Fridays feel like Monday mornings.
So what exactly is emotional intelligence? Acccording to Psychology Today, this emotional IQ involves being able “to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others.” But what exactly does that psychology jargon mean? Here are the seven steps of using emotional intelligence to turn haters into ancient history.
Even if you’re not a Sherlock superfan, you’ve probably heard the saying, “Elementary, dear Watson.” When it comes to solving the mystery of your haters, follow Sherlock’s example and combine logic with emotion. First, make sure you haven’t done anything explicitly wrong to Felicia like stealing her man. If not, she’s probably being fueled by her own emotions. Put on your thinking cap and try to figure out the source of her anger. Could she be jealous? Threatened? Frightened of losing you? Haters rarely hate you without a reason; most of the time, they hate you because of how you (intentionally or not) make them feel.
So you’ve played detective and know a little more of who you’re dealing with. Now you need to take some deep breaths and keep your own emotions in check! If you feel like your haters’ reasoning is petty or childish, the source of their hating can actually be quite frustrating. However, like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s old saying goes, you can’t fight hate with hate.
Do you feel like Alice in Wonderland going down the rabbit hole? Just know that you’re gong in the right direction! By this point, you’ve figured out the source of the hate, but now you need to understand how it emerged. Let’s say Felicia is hatin’ on you because you always receive the most exciting assignments at work. In this case, she’s not actually mad at you. If the assignments are picked at random, then she’s just upset with her luck. If a boss picks the assignment, then she’s angry with him or her instead. Tracing the history of this hatred can help you empathize with Felicia and recognize what other factors are harming your relationship.
Before you start complaining about Felicia, look in the mirror. How could you improve the situation? If you keep treating Felicia like a hater, she’s only going to get more upset. Maybe you need to watch how you are expressing your own emotions. If she’s angry that you receive the better work assignments, maybe you shouldn’t celebrate or talk about how awesome your new project is in the break room. You know that Felicia is mad at the situation and taking it out on you. Make sure you’re not needlessly making the situation worse!
You’ve taken control of your own emotions and now it’s time to show Felicia how to do the same. Go to a peaceful setting and express how you feel and how she’s making you feel. You can also describe how her behavior appears to you and why you think she’s acting that way. Whether you’re right or wrong, this will at least show her that you’ve tried to consider her point of view. Using the same example from above, you could offer to trade some of your exciting assignments for her not-so-fun ones. Just know that you probably won’t leave this meeting as best friends. Sometimes, feelings can be changed or “fixed.”
Take a hint from Frozen and let go of your frustration! Felicia’s problem may have deeper roots than you know of or could fix. For example, she might have been chosen last in PE everyday in middle school and work is reminding her of that hard time. You can’t let yourself be drained by other people’s issues or negative energy, especially when they won’t accept help. If the hating continues after you laid out your white flag, it’s time for you to move on.
Have you ever been driving home from work, doing laundry or just watching Netflix at home – only to start crying for no reason? As you probably know, understanding emotions – even your own – can be tricky,. If you come across a perpetual hater, the only thing you can change is your attitude. You don’t have to accept the abuse, but you can choose to not let it bother you. Words only have as much power as you give them – so make sure that your self-love is loud enough to drown out any haters!
