Lifestyle June 21, 2018
Sometime's it's not as simple as "He just really loves me..."
Abusive relationships are never okay. Whether physically, emotionally or both, you are worthy of being treated with respect. These relationships are dangerous, and what’s scary is that they’re harder to spot than you’d think. There is a lot of abusive behavior that people do not realize is abusive. This can range from something small to something life-threatening!
While it’s not easy to spot some types of abusive behavior, it is important to try. Perhaps your friend is in an abusive relationship and has no idea. If you know what to look for, you can help them. Or, perhaps your own relationship experiences contain some abusive behavior. Though scary, it is important to know the truth.
Ask anyone who has been in an abusive relationship or has studied them in the past, and they will tell you one of the number one signs of an abusive relationship is gaslighting. What is gaslighting? According to Psychology Today, gaslighting is defined as “a tactic in which a person, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality.” This could include things such as telling lies, denying something you have proof of or trying to turn others against you.
Jealousy is normal in a relationship. Extreme jealousy is not. If your partner “doesn’t allow you” to go out without them or refuses to let you have relationships with other people, they are abusing you. There is a point where the jealousy line gets drawn, and if your partner passes that line he or she is showing signs of abusive behavior. This is because your partner is trying to isolate you, and keep you away from anyone who may try to talk you out of being with them.
This one is a pretty easy sign to spot. If your partner is constantly criticizing you or putting you down, even in a joking manner, your partner is verbally abusing you. You deserve to be treated with love, dignity and respect. No matter what. It’s never okay for your partner to put you down.
If your partner sometimes “blows up” out of nowhere, or even during a fight, this could be a sign of abusive behavior. Dr. Kathryn Moore, a psychologist at a Child and Family Development Center explains, “Sometimes abusive partners try to dismiss these blow ups as being ‘passionate,’ but it could be an early warning sign. Without reason, the partner becomes withdrawn, sad or angry and blames the other partner for their negative emotion.” This type of behavior is, again, never okay.
Aside from the obvious types of physical aggression, something else to look out for is subtle aggression. Examples of this could be looks, gestures or words. It could also be physical aggression not directed toward you, such as punching walls or throwing things. Another thing to look out for, says Dr. Moore, is the use of sex in a relationship. Be careful that your partner is not forcing sex or expecting it after they spend money on you. Additionally, threats of violence or breaking up in response to no sex is also unacceptable.
Other warning signs include ignoring/excluding you, refusing to communicate, controlling you in any way and threatening to commit suicide if you leave. If you believe you or someone you love may be experiencing abusive behavior, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
