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It was a beautiful day. The sun shining, the sky was blue and the clouds looked almost perfectly plumped. It was a stereotypical day in Southern California and the flea market was just about to come to an end. I gathered my things and started walking towards the gate to exit when everyone around me ran into a frenzy. Whispers and exclamations that there was a man running loose with a gun around the neighborhood were shared. Within seconds, the man was 20 feet away from me on the other side of the gate, yelling like a maniac and waving his gun in the air.
I dropped behind a table draped only by a flimsy table cloth with a few other women huddled beside me. Our bodies knew we were not safe there and collectively we decided to make a run for better shelter. Fear pumped through my brain, my heart, my veins, my lungs, my fingers – it was completely encompassing. But it forced me to get to safety.
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Fear, contrary to popular belief, is our survival instinct. Its original purpose is to save us from potentially harmful situations and threats. Much like adrenalin, it kicks in when we most need it to. As I was running with the other women away to safety, I remember how clearly my brain was thinking but how scared my body felt. That it was fear pumping through my veins so that I could take action towards safety.
However, sometimes, in our largely complicated brains, fear attaches itself to acts of trauma, associations and situations that, if repeated, stimulate our fear reaction, even if there is no direct harm in the repeated scenario. While fear was helpful and extremely vital to my survival that day (the police took the gunman into custody before he was able to harm anyone), it can also get in the way of immensely important experiences and states of being such as happiness, pleasure and success.
There are two types of fear – fear that is healthy and fear that is unhealthy. Healthy fear is the fear that I experienced that day – the type that rightfully goes off in harmful situations that warns or prompts you to take the right action. But unhealthy fear tells you that you can’t do it and masks the reasoning behind rational choices.
When fear hides as common sense or rationality, it is really halting you from achieving success, experiencing new experiences and creating new connections.
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Have you ever wanted to start a new business but find yourself making excuse after excuse as to why you can’t or shouldn’t or won’t start?
While usually our excuses seem to be based on rational criteria, the bottom line of why we don’t do things is usually because of fear, fear of failure being the biggest motivator to not do something.
I have had my fair share of healthy and unhealthy, rational and irrational fear. As I ran for safety that day at the flea market, I applauded myself for helping me react quickly to a situation I had never experienced before. But I have often cursed my fear sensors for prohibiting me from experiencing so many exhilarating, challenging and beautiful things in this world.
Today, I always try to analyze my decision-making process. Before I make a decision, I call on my friend, fear. I try to figure out where fear is either hiding, harming or helping in the situation. If fear is the only reason that I am not saying yes to something – I force myself to say yes. If fear is not present and the evidence against the decision is pretty substantial (example: that’s not a good fiscal decision or that will hurt others), then I decline the opportunity. But in all that I do, I assess where fear stands: with me, against me or absent.
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Learning when fear halts you and when fear accelerates you can be the game changer between leading an ordinary live and leading a successful, adventurous one. Invite fear into the decision but always be aware of its bottom line motives.
