5 Things You Need to Stop Apologizing For

Saying “sorry” has become one of the easiest ways to avoid awkward situations. However, we often use it so much that we end up apologizing for things that are not our fault.

You may not think you say it too often, but see if any of these circumstances ring a bell.

1 Being late to something because your flight is delayed.

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Let’s assume that “I’m sorry” has retained its good old-fashioned meaning, A.K.A. “This is my fault and I am acknowledging that with an apology.” And it doesn’t matter the event. Whether it’s someone’s wedding, the delivery of a baby, or a party being thrown in your honor, it is never your fault that your flight is delayed.

You have no control over the weather patterns. You have no control over the health of the pilots. You have no control over the intricacies of air traffic. That being said, you have no reason to apologize for your punctuality of your plane.

2 Saying “no” to a date.

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Now this is incredibly situational. If you have been intentionally leading this person on for attention, but you had no intention of dating them, then saying sorry may be appropriate. If you have been knowingly acting in a way towards someone that communicates “I’d like to spend more time with you,” and you had no intention of doing so, then apologizing could be appropriate.

But if you have not been giving someone these messages, then saying sorry is not appropriate. A woman never “owes” anyone a date, nor does a man ever owe a woman one. If you’re polite and respectful about it, you have not wronged this person in any way. Now of course if they are visibly sad, it may come out just as a manifestation of human empathy. ‘Cause let’s be honest; it will never not be awkward to reject someone.

3 Accidentally bumping into someone.

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Now we aren’t suggesting you walk around the supermarket like you own the place, ramming into anyone you please like MarioKart. However, “I’m sorry” communicates a very different message than “excuse me.”

Now at a definition level, these basically mean the same thing. But as they have evolved, the two phrases seem to communicate different messages in real social situations. Saying sorry usually makes the situation a tiny bit more serious, as if the other person is already upset with you from brushing shoulders at K-mart.

However, “excuse me” is something you rarely use outside of bumping into someone or asking someone to repeat themselves. It’s more of a “oops, this is unavoidable in a crowded public space” rather than “I have intentionally and aggressively hit your cart with mine, and for that reason I am ashamed.” Having said that, “excuse me” is just a bit more chill.

4 Asking someone to repeat themselves.

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I am super guilty of using this unnecessary “sorry” on the phone. Now if I let my mind wander instead of actually giving this person my attention, I apologize because I was not prioritizing what this person has to say. In this case, I would think that saying sorry would be appropriate.

However, if you just have a really hard time understanding what people are trying to tell you (and I am super guilty of this), this is no fault of yours. I can put 400% of my mental power into trying to understand someone else’s words, and sometimes I just hear gibberish.  This is no conscious misstep on your part — auditory dyslexia affects more people than you realize (this isn’t a thing yet, but I have a hunch it will be).

5 Sharing a common space with someone.

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I used to live with someone who would apologize if I walked through the room while she was watching a movie with her significant other. And they would be watching it in the living room! And I was renting the place from her!

As odd as this seems, I have some of the same tendencies. I usually assume that if I am in the living space with someone I don’t know as well, they need the space more and want me to leave…even if they do not give off these messages at all. Just like a library or a Starbucks, it’s understood that it’s a public, shared space.

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We hope this clarified a few situations in which saying “sorry” is not socially or morally required. Now of course, what is socially or morally acceptable differs from person to person, so if you have any rebuttals to provide, please do so. After all, we never want to tell you how to live your life. However, we do hope we saved you from the stress of unnecessary “sorries.”