Sex & Life
Sex & Life August 21, 2017
Butter with a side of stomach ache.
If you’ve never heard of it, bulletproof coffee is basically coffee with butter in it.
It’s actually a tad more complex than that, but that’s the basic gist of it. Bulletproof coffee also has something called brain octane oil, whatever that is. Basically this weird, new coffee trend is supposed to suppress your appetite and increase focus.
I was totally sold on this awesome, new drink. I was totally sold, that is, until I actually tried it for the first time.
I had been wanting to try Bulletproof Coffee for a while, and so when I saw it on the menu of the Whole Foods coffee shop, I knew my time had come. I boldly ordered a medium sized medium roast Bulletproof Coffee.
It looked pretty cool at first, with a huge pat of butter sitting on top of the coffee surface, not yet fully melted. I have always been a firm believer that butter makes everything better. Until now. So if you’re wondering whether or not to indulge in this seemingly delicious stimulant, here are a few things to take note of before you do.
If there’s one place that butter shouldn’t be, it’s in coffee. This is now my opinion, and I don’t think it will change. Bulletproof Coffee is actually so buttery that it basically moisturizes your lips. When I took my first sip, it was clear that I definitely didn’t need to reapply my lip balm. The butter adds so much fat to your drink that it doubles as a buttery smooth lip moisturizer.
The coffee also definitely does taste like butter. So beware. You’ll still taste the coffee part, of course, but don’t think that it’ll taste the same as normal coffee. Because it definitely won’t.
After the first few sips, I was feeling pretty good. I had been under the impression that this coffee was the absolute best beverage to sip if you wanted to be super focused all day, while being hungry.
I was pretty into the whole idea at first, and I actually did like the overly buttery taste. I bought the coffee at around 7:15 a.m., and I didn’t finish it util after 9:30 a.m. Basically, this coffee was so rich that it took me a ridiculously long time to finish it.
It was around 11:30 a.m. All of a sudden, a feeling similar to that of having the world’s worst hangover started to kick in. And I mean, like, the worst hangover. The thought of anything fatty (specifically butter) made me incredibly nauseous. A coworker was using olive oil and I couldn’t even look at it without feeling ill. My entire body felt like it was filled to the brim with butter, and it did not feel good. At all.
Well, at least this part wasn’t falsely advertised. I was for sure not hungry at all for most of the rest of the day. However, this was mostly because of how badly my stomach was hurting.
I did not feel good in any way, shape or form. But on the plus side, I couldn’t even think about eating food anytime soon. So there was, in fact, some truth in advertising on their part. It just didn’t go as I thought it would.
After my butter hangover went away, I actually felt pretty good. I still wasn’t hungry, which I was incredibly surprised by, seeing as I am usually always hungry. I was so relieved to have moved on from my stomach ache.
Relieved is actually an understatement. It was more of a euphoric feeling, similar to the joy you experience when a stuffy nose is no longer stuffy. So this part of the day (afternoon time) was definitely the highlight.
All in all, I am happy that I had the opportunity to try this overly talked about caffeinated beverage. I believe that we should all try Bulletproof Coffee at least once in a lifetime. And this was my one time.
While I probably will not be making Bulletproof Coffee my go-to morning caffeine fix, I still recommend that everyone try at least a sip of this weird, buttery slosh.
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