Relationships February 6, 2017
Rejection hurts.
Whether it’s falling in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way or failing to ask your crush out before they are swept up by another person; there is no pain like the pain of unrequited love.
Thankfully, though, a recent reddit thread has popped up to offer advice to a woman whose friend just used her for sex. Read on for 10 valuable lessons for all the aching hearts out there:
1. “I know it’s complicated to cut someone you love out of your life. I’ve been there, several times. It sucks. It will be really hard because he makes you feel good. You might feel lonely after he’s gone. But think of it like an addiction: it makes you feel good but it’s not good for you. And it is keeping you from meeting someone else who will love you and give you a deeper happiness.”
2. “The important part is to grieve. Cry, get angry, when lonely reach out to others, take care of yourself … You aren’t grieving the loss of him (good riddance), you are grieving the loss of potential, the loss of a relationship that he isn’t able to fulfill, the loss of that hope. The sooner you invest in that grieving the sooner you can return to loving yourself and finding a more healthy partner for a more balanced relationship.”
3. “If you feel like there’s a big hole in your life, try and think of things that you have always wanted to do but haven’t tried yet. I went through something similar and it ended up being a huge positive in my life. It’s a weird thing but losing somebody you love can help teach you to love yourself a little more.”
4. “Honestly, walk away from this … I’m sure he does really enjoy being with you, but easy sex is easy sex. I can almost guarantee he has no plan to ever be in a serious relationship with you and you should stop this now because it will only be harder on you. It shouldn’t be this hard and it really isn’t when you find the right person.”
5. “Sexual attraction is mostly physical. The kind of person you date has to connect with you on an intellectual and mental level, as well as a maturity level.”
6. “All sorts of things can be overlooked if only a physical relationship is desired. Religion, politics, income, etc. aren’t really good indicators for if a physical experience will be good or not. However, for an exclusive emotional “relationship” these things needs to be aligned – or you at least think they might be and you are willing to try it out. If he is interested in a physical relationship, but not an emotional one, then there is some aspect of the other person that just isn’t aligned with them. That isn’t to say there is something “wrong” with you, just that there is a disconnect somewhere that is too big for an emotional relationship. It might even be that there are better prospects on the horizon, and that making a commitment now would limit the opportunity to explore them.”
7. “You have an aching that fills your body but you don’t know the emotion. Hate? Love? Confusion? Scared? All these emotions matter so don’t keep them trapped inside. Let them out! Cry, yell, laugh, and even stop. Because at the end of the day, the world will go on. And at the end of it all, you will be ok!”
8. “Unrequited/forbidden love is the worst because you’re always thinking what it could be like, rather than what it is like now. That’s what you gotta remember – the way they’re treating you now.”
9. “Ditch him and don’t look back. You deserve more respect and care than he’s given you … True commitment grows over time; it’s not something you’re likely to get from someone early in a relationship. True commitment is also different than monogamy and exclusivity; it extends beyond sex. Instead of insisting on commitment before sex, insist on respect. When someone respects you, they pay attention to and consider, your thoughts and feelings. They treat you as an equal and not as an object.”
10. “I think you already know what you should do to move on. It will be hard no doubt, but you WILL get through this. Hugs and take care.”
