Relationships August 20, 2016
Your name is a vital part of your identity — some may even argue that it’s the most important part.
If you are a working woman of the 21st century with plans to get married, then you may have thought about what to do with your last name. You could keep, change or become creative with your maiden name. Instead of hyphenating, some couples even merge the two surnames together to make a new last name.
There are a number of options to consider, but you also have to think how this decision might affect your work, family and children.
The choice to keep your maiden name, take your partner’s name or combine your two surnames is, as previously stated, a matter of identity, so it’s important that you carefully assess all the positives and negatives of the change.
Here is a list of five advantages and disadvantages to consider before taking the identity plunge.
If you think that you and your partner might have children someday, then you should consider the impact that your choice will have on the family.
Unless you choose to hyphenate your last name, traditionally your children receive your spouse’s last name. Many women specifically change their last names to be consistent with their children’s because a new name is seen as a symbol of the new family they have created with their spouse. They feel that their identity should reflect this.
For instance, Alizah Lowell, a clinical social worker and psychoanalyst, shares on Psychology Today that some mothers may feel that their identities as mothers may be “compromised if [they] did not share [their] children’s name.” In this case, changing her name was an intentional way of defining her family.
This form of connection, however, might not be as important for mothers who choose not to change their names. Some women may feel that it is just as important to have a clear connection with their parents and siblings.
Whether we like it or not, our names are reflections of our identity.
Lowell writes, “Our identity forms over a lifetime and is based on different parts of ourselves, including our culture, race, ethnicity, values, spirituality, sexuality and gender. A person’s identity is what makes them a unique individual — and our names are part of that.”
Whether your name is a political statement about women’s equality, a tradition that has been passed down for generations or a strong indication of your heritage, you must acknowledge the importance of your names in the formation of your identity.
When Juliet Capulet famously asks Romeo Montague “wherefore art thou Romeo?” she was not asking him where he is but why he is a Montague. The importance of a name becomes the fatal tragedy of Shakespeare’s play when Romeo and Juliet are forbidden to be together because of their respective names and the families.
Whether or not you change your name, it is important to keep in mind how your name reflects who you are as a person.
One of the biggest obstacles that career women face when they change their last name is how to maintain their professional success under a different name. In fact, Harvard Business Review reports that “the more professionally established the bride, the more likely she is to retain her own name.”
Unfortunately for those women, they often get judged for keeping their surname. A 2010 Dutch study revealed that women who kept their names were viewed as “less caring, more independent, more ambitious, more intelligent and more competent.” Not only that, but the study showed that “a job applicant who took her partner’s name, in comparison with one with her own name, was less likely to be hired for a job” and received a monthly salary of around $500 less.
For women who have been in the work force for years, this can be particularly challenging. In addition, some women who change their name may even find that their work is no longer credited to the same person, resulting in a loss of businesses or professional contacts.
If you do decide to change your name, HBR suggests taking the necessary precautions before doing so. First, announce the name change so people outside of your social circle are aware of your new last name. Also, make sure to set up forwarding for your emails, letters and bills if it’s necessary. Lastly, in order to get your new name out there, start creating content under your new name and change it when possible. If you published an article last year and are still able to change the byline, then go ahead and do that.
A 2015 Cosmopolitan article by Jill Filipovic discusses the historical trend of women adopting their spouse’s last name and the current reasons for doing so. According to Filipovic, “Women who change their names lose google results.” They become more difficult to search on social media profiles like LinkedIn and Facebook, thus making it harder for old contacts or friends to reconnect with them.
Many of these platforms essentially force women to start from the beginning without consideration to their online footprint. The article admits that “a Facebook friend refusal is not the end of the world. But it does mean women who change their names are harder to track down.” This often makes it harder for old contacts to track these women down with job opportunities.
For many women, this may also mean starting at “square one.” Every thing google searches with their name on it would be lost after a name change. For this reason, you should keep in mind whether or not you want your social media footprint to reflect your new status.
