Sometimes society forgets that women are not walking, talking uteruses whose sole purpose in life is to pump out children. In fact, motherhood is a choice, not a requirement.
But that message doesn’t always translate IRL. After all it’s not like women are throwing very many “I’m never having a baby ” showers.
Of course the more women who speak up, the more normalized the choice will become. Which is why we’re thrilled the women of Reddit recently opened up about their decision to remain childless (as in they physically could have children but chose not to) and whether or not they regretted it. (Hint: They did not).
Here’s what they said:
1. I feel fortunate I had a choice.
“I’m 69 and I decided at the age of 12 to not have kids. My [significant other] luckily felt the same and we had a good life together. My sister and many friends had children and I enjoyed interacting with them. I’ve never regretted the decision and have often felt quite fortunate to have been able to choose.”
2. I wish other people could understand my decision.
“I’m late 30’s, never wanted children. I always say I didn’t get the mom gene. I don’t dislike kids, in fact, I really enjoy them. I just don’t have the capacity or mental well being to have them and be responsible for them. I wish my parents were smart enough to realize that too.”
3. I have no regrets.
“Here I am, in my mid-40s, childfree, and LOVING the way my life is. It was absolutely the right decision, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Perhaps this is unusual, but I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. Recently, in a time of reflection, I was imagining all of the other awesome, different paths my life could have taken. A while later, I realized that in NONE of my imaginary alternate lives did I have kids.”
4. I used to fear people’s judgements. Now I don’t.
“I hated hearing the statement ‘you’re still young, you’ll change your mind when I said I wasn’t sure I wanted [kids].
I have NEVER wanted kids, I love kids, just never wanted my own. When asked when we were going to have kids, which is such a rude thing to ask, I would guilty say we hadn’t decided on that yet. Now I confidently say we don’t want them in a tone that doesn’t leave room for questions.”
5. No kids means more sex with my husband.
“My husband is such a gigantic sweetheart. He’s always left that choice up to me. I’ve always been aware that he’d be perfectly fine having kids but would prefer none … I’m 32 now. We have three cats, a townhome with four bedrooms and two and a half bathrooms, and a garage that fits two cars. What do we do when those rooms? We have our room, the guest bedroom, a “man cave”, and the lady palace …and our sex life is on fucking fire.”
6. The world is STILL my oyster.
“I’m 36, married 11 years. I never wanted kids .. in college I realized it’s my choice, and mine alone. I had Mirena IUDs for 10 years then my husband got a vasectomy last year. As for what it’s like? Outside of weekdays, I can go to bed and wake up when I please. I can watch anything I want. I can have cereal for dinner–and often do. My husband and I can sleep naked. We can go out to eat on a whim. We can travel without thinking of anyone but ourselves on the trip.”
7. I Couldn’t be happier.
“I never wanted kids. And I am so happy I made that decision. I watch my sister with her kids climbing all over her all of the time; I have an intense personal space issue, and I am relieved that I never changed my mind … I feel it in my bones that I would be a bad mom. I am far too selfish with my time and space. I am 40 now and have zero regrets.”
8. Not wanting to have children is perfectly natural.
“I didn’t decide to not have children; I never decided to have them. Having children is more of an active choice than in reverse and I never made that and most likely never will. I also consider my age over the ethical age of having children by now … it’s really not a big deal or seen as anything unremarkable to not have children [in my culture]. None of my friends have children.”
9. It took me awhile to realize I had a choice. I’m glad I did.
“I’m 30. I decided not to have kids at around 22-23. I didn’t know that people didn’t have kids and when I realized that it was something I could choose, it was like a light switch flipped. My husband and I definitely know 100% that we do not want children. I don’t hate children, but I barely tolerate them. I think they are cute from afar, but I do NOT want one of my own … If I even wake up one morning and regret not having children (I won’t), then adoption is always an option. I would rather give an already-born child a home rather than make one myself.”
