Dating isn’t easy. So when you finally find a potential soulmate, it can send your heart racing. You are head over heels and all about your new man. For a few months you think everything is peaches and cream. But once you finally come back to the surface, you realize that your relationship isn’t as healthy as it could be. Why? Your boyfriend is showing a controlling side that you just don’t appreciate. Here’s what you can do to handle the situation and come out happier and stronger.
Don’t put all your energy into insignificant fights, such as who took the last paper towel roll. When you are constantly fighting with your significant other, he may feel like controlling you will be better for his sanity and your temper. So pick your battles. Argue about what matters and set aside issues that don’t make the cut. Stand up for yourself when it counts and show him that you mean business. This shifts the power away from him.
Go out with new friends, reconnect old friends, learn new hobbies, visit your grandma at the nursing home. It doesn’t matter what you do, but make sure that you have something outside of your relationship that makes you happy. Having people and hobbies to get you away from your partner will only help build trust and break the controlling behavior. It’s important to have a life separate from your SO, as it will give you the time and space to consider whether or not that dynamic of the relationship is desirable.
When he tells you that you aren’t allowed to do things, don’t roll over and accept his orders. You can’t just accept whatever he says as be-all-end-all of the conversation. Stand up for yourself. If you don’t like what or how he says things, remember that you don’t have to take it. Be an independent women who controls her own life and doesn’t hand the reigns over to her boyfriend.
It’s possible that your boyfriend could be acting controlling unknowingly. Some women enjoy having a decisive partner, and if his ex or a close female friend relied on him to figure out her life, his relationship with you may be a default. Sit him down and calmly chat about how his actions make you feel like you are losing control of your relationship and your life. Give him examples and explain to him how it makes you feel.
Not only do you need to be honest with your partner, but you need to be honest with yourself as well. If you have talked to him and he doesn’t show signs of changing his ways, then maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship. Do you want to be in a controlling relationship like this? Does it affect your happiness and the way you feel? Are you finding yourself fearing him more than you see yourself loving him? These are all very valid questions that you need to consider because if he doesn’t change right away, then you know he won’t be changing at all.
Relationships are never easy and those who have outwardly “perfect” relationships hide behind a façade. In the same way, your relationship will have bumps along the road. Your boyfriend’s controlling behavior might be one such bump. But it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether it is a bump or a breaking point.
