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ENTITY Academy shares communication in relationshipsYou may not be effectively communicating with your partner

Communication in relationships only works when two people are responding to one another. But simply having a dialogue with your significant other does not necessarily mean that you are effectively communicating with them. Often times, we are unintentionally neglecting our partner or, perhaps, unintentionally neglecting ourselves. Both circumstances lead to poor communication.

In order to maintain effective communication in relationships, we must first understand how agreeable — or disagreeable — we are, for adjusting our level of agreeableness can help fix communication in a relationship.

High in Agreeableness

ENTITY Academy examines communication in relationships and the problems with being too agreeable.

Are you a kind and compassionate soul that puts others before yourself? Do you pride yourself on your empathy and ability to subdue conflict whenever it arises? If so, you are most likely high in agreeableness.

Agreeableness is one of the Big Five Personality Traits. It is a seemingly positive characteristic because it means that you care for those around you.

In relationships, agreeableness can shorten arguments and prevent immediate conflict. This is because the agreeable partner will often take the side of their loved one, often seeing their loved one’s side as the truth.

But although an agreeable person listens to their partner and makes their partner’s happiness their utmost priority, an agreeable person often forgets to listen to themselves.

In these circumstances, the agreeable person has neglected their own values and beliefs. Then, having lied to themselves, they will build up resentment for not having expressed their truth to their loved ones. And finally, whether because the agreeable partner is filled with resentment, or because their loved one suspects that they were not truthful in the first place, the conflict will resurface, oftentimes with enhanced problems.

Low in Agreeableness

ENTITY Academy examines communication in relationships and the problems with being too disagreeable.

Are you confrontational and domineering? Do you fight for your beliefs and values, denying any claim your opponent may have? If so, you are most likely low in agreeableness (disagreeable).

Disagreeable people have, in many circumstances, an advantage. With a strong sense of self, they can convince others that they are right. Not always caring how it will affect others, they know what they want and they go for it. And, oftentimes, they get it.

In a relationship, a disagreeable person will hold their ground, speaking their truth. When they say something, they mean it and know they’re right when they’re saying it too. And if their loved one disagrees? They will argue harder, perhaps even hanging up the phone or leaving the restaurant.

But although a disagreeable person listens to their inner sense of truth, keeping their integrity, they often forget to listen to their partner.

In these circumstances, the disagreeable person may deny their partner’s side, even when their partner’s claims have validity. Here, rather than truly listening to their partner and considering their side, they shut it down, stopping the possibility of negotiation. When this happens, the disagreeable person’s partner feels unheard, disrespected and that no progress has been made.

Balanced Communication: Assertiveness

ENTITY Academy examines communication in relationships and the importance of being assertive.

When you’re high in agreeableness, you’re listening to your partner but not listening to yourself; when you’re low in agreeableness, you’re listening to yourself at the expense of your partner. So, if you’re high or low in agreeableness, how do you repair the broken line of communication in your relationship?

Assertiveness.

Assertiveness — a moderate level of agreeableness — means that you argue your own sense of truth while also taking your partner’s viewpoints into consideration. You are neither stubborn in your beliefs nor too easily swayed. You have a strong sense of your own sense of truth, but also believe that everyone you meet has something that they can teach you.

An assertive person is confident in themselves while open to change.

An assertive person is apt for effective communication.

If you recognize that you are high or low in agreeableness, you have taken the first step towards having effective communication in relationships. The importance of communication can’t be undervalued, for it is integral for a successful relationship. If you want to fix communication in a relationship, you must ensure that you are listening to your loved one while also staying true to yourself.

You must be assertive.

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